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Relationship Basics

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5 Habits That Sabotage Good Communication

By Relationship Basics13 Comments

When it comes to communicating with your partner, not every conversation is created equal. Sometimes you’re able to clearly convey what you want and you come out of it on the same page – and same team. Other times, wires get crossed, an innocent exchange gets derailed, and you find yourselves feeling frustrated and misunderstood.

We’re human – our own emotions, biases, and expectations can cloud our ability to convey exactly what we mean or accurately interpret what our spouse is telling us. Despite good intentions, you might actually be sabotaging your efforts toward good communication with these five habits. Read More

June 1, 2022
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Family Sits on Table Inside Kitchen

What Our Parents Teach Us About Marriage

By Family & Friends, Relationship Basics6 Comments

If you had to write a book full of the lessons your parents taught you, what would be in it? Would there be a long chapter on the importance of kindness or having a good work ethic? Would there be a glossary of “things we don’t talk about” or an appendix of secret family recipes?

While the contents might be different for everyone, one chapter that most of our books would have is “Lessons on Marriage and Relationships.” Yep, for better or for worse, our parents have a big influence on the way we think about and behave in our marriage. Through both direct guidance and observation, here are some of the things you may have picked up on. Read More

May 25, 2022
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Man and Woman Having Conversation in the Kitchen

The Power of Owning Your Feelings

By Conflict, Relationship Basics18 Comments

“You made me so angry when you…”
“I felt really angry when you…”

These seem like similar statements on the surface, and the feeling behind them is certainly a common thread as well. While you could argue that it’s just a matter of semantics, the variation in wording can be reflective of a difference in mindset: blaming your spouse for your feelings versus taking ownership and responsibility for them.

Using “I statements” is a practical way to focus on owning your feelings in the midst of a discussion or argument. But what is the reasoning behind it? What happens when you do the self-reflective work around owning your feelings long before a conflict arises? Read More

April 20, 2022
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Man and woman walking on beach during sunset

5 Habits to Hold Onto Throughout Your Marriage

By Connection, Relationship Basics19 Comments

Brushing your teeth. Staying active. Paying your bills on time. These are small habits that can potentially have a big impact on your wellbeing. If you forget to do them once or twice, it’s probably not the end of the world. But stop doing them altogether, and the results could be less than ideal.

There are similarly small habits that, over time, can greatly affect the vitality of your marriage. You might start out doing them faithfully, then gradually, they become more and more sporadic, until you no longer do them at all. While their absence doesn’t necessarily signal that you no longer love each other, their presence enriches your relationship with a consistent connection and respect that stands the test of time. These are the small habits to hold onto throughout your marriage. Read More

April 13, 2022
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Couple hugging in field

The Myth of Being Lucky in Love

By Relationship Basics, Resilience9 Comments

“Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.” Have you heard this quote? Although it originated in the context of sports and athletic talent, the idea can be applied to relationships as well. Sure, we don’t usually think of couples as being talented in the art of marriage, per se. What’s more common is the idea that certain couples or individuals are lucky in love – that they’re so perfectly matched and have such good fortune, they don’t have to put any work into having a happy and satisfying relationship; it just comes naturally. They can just coast on their luck (in love), so to speak. What do you think? Do some couples have it this good? Do you feel like you and your partner fall into this category? Read More

March 16, 2022
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Happy couple laughing while browsing laptop and sitting with dog

5 Signs You Need to Check Your Expectations

By Relationship Basics8 Comments

“That movie was such a letdown. From what everyone’s been saying, I expected it to be so much better!”

Have you ever experienced this kind of disappointment? Expectations have a huge effect on the way you perceive and experience life. Whether it’s that over-hyped movie, a party you thought you’d leave early (but ended up staying late), or the difficulty in transitioning to a new life stage, sometimes your own expectations can cloud the true nature of the situation at hand. In marriage, this can be a particularly game-changing realization – that you have the power within yourself to feel happier and more satisfied in your relationship. If you’ve been struggling in your relationship lately, here are five signs you might need to check your expectations. Read More

February 16, 2022
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Cheerful couple walking together across a bridge

4 Reasons You’re Misunderstanding Each Other

By Relationship Basics13 Comments

“Why would you say that?”
“That’s not what I meant. I never said that!”
“Well, that’s what it sounded like to me!”

Have you ever found yourself in a similar argument with your spouse? You were trying to communicate with each other – great! But somewhere along the way, wires got crossed. Now someone is mad, frustrated, or got their feelings hurt – not great. Where did things go wrong? Let’s explore a few reasons why you’re misunderstanding each other – and how to cut through the noise. Read More

January 26, 2022
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Couple hugging and laughing

How To Talk About Your Relationship (Without Feeling Awkward)

By Relationship Basics2 Comments

If you’ve read a few of our blog posts, you’ve probably noticed that we often encourage couples to talk to each other about their relationship. Feeling dissatisfied? Talk about it. Dealing with an unresolved conflict? Talk about it. Want to be a better spouse? Talk about it. And it’s true – honest, consistent communication about what’s working (or needs work) in your relationship is vital to staving off complacency and strengthening your connection. But sometimes, it just doesn’t come naturally. Read More

January 19, 2022
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Couple sitting outside foreheads together holding hands

5 Times Your Spouse Needs Your Support The Most

By Relationship Basics11 Comments

An important part of marriage is being there for each other. It’s one of the underpinnings of a strong relationship, but it’s also, well, rather vague. Your vows may have specified for richer or poorer or in sickness and health, but the truth is, often the times in which we need that extra support are not always so clearly defined. They might seem like ordinary, “just part of life” circumstances. That, combined with getting wrapped up in the hustle of our own daily life demands means it’s easy to miss out on opportunities to truly support our partner when they need it most. Here are five times to be aware of when your spouse might need extra support. Read More

November 3, 2021
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couple smiling at each other at home

3 Steps to Being More Assertive in Your Relationship

By Relationship Basics, Relationship Dynamics6 Comments

Ahh, the kids are in bed and you’ve just settled into your favorite spot on the couch for a Netflix session with your spouse. Now, what to watch? You scroll and scroll through the options, waiting for your partner to suggest something. A few things grab your interest, but you don’t say anything. What if they’re not into it? What if it’s not good? Your partner finally calls out an option. You’re not crazy about the choice, but you start it anyway. Then for the next 90 minutes you sit silently wishing you’d picked something you wanted to watch – it had to be better than this!

This is a trivial example, but it’s a microcosm of the role of assertiveness in relationships. In the realm of good communication, assertiveness is the flip side of active listening. It’s being self-aware enough to know what we want and need, and then communicating that to our partner in an honest, respectful way. It’s giving your partner a fair shot at meeting your needs and wishes while also being accountable for your own happiness and satisfaction.

For some people, assertiveness comes relatively easily. You’re confident and comfortable asking for what you want; you don’t take it personally if you don’t always get it. It doesn’t hurt to ask, right? Or, maybe you’ve even been called out for being too assertive or domineering in some situations. For others, however, being assertive is a struggle, and it’s one that can build upon itself. You don’t voice your needs, so you don’t get them. You feel a lack of agency over your situation, causing you to feel even less confident. It can be a tough cycle to break, but it’s not impossible. Here are some ways you can begin being more assertive in your relationship: Read More

August 18, 2021
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