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Couple reading a book together on the couch

10 Ways to Refresh Your Evening Routine

By Quality Time 7 Comments

Bring the kids to their extracurricular activities, pick up the grocery order, rush home, get dinner going, help the kids with homework, scramble through baths and bedtime, clean up the kitchen – phew!

If your evenings are anything like this, it’s understandable if all you want to do is sit down and zone out when you finally get the chance. Whether you both work in or out of the home, have children, pets, or just a busy life in general, those evening hours are often time to relax and unwind before hitting the sack. If you’re sick of settling in for the same old streaming session, here are ten ways to refresh your evening routine. Read More

a couple sitting on a mountain top overlooking a mountain range, cropped to show only chest up

Make These Tweaks to Reach Your Marriage Goals

By Resilience 4 Comments

So you and your spouse set about to make some positive changes in your marriage. You’re both feeling motivated, inspired, and capable of reaching these goals together – that’s great! Fast forward a couple months down the road. Are you still chugging along optimistically?

It’s okay if the answer is no. You’re not alone if that initial energy has worn off, your progress has faltered, or you’ve given up altogether. Truth be told, this is common when working towards anything – whether it’s completing a DIY home project or achieving your marriage goals. When you encounter some kind of obstacle or setback, it’s easy to get discouraged, lose motivation, or resign yourself to the idea that things can’t change – which often leads to giving up.

The good news? It doesn’t have to be this way! We’ve got some simple tweaks you can make to help you keep going and achieve the positive changes you’re striving for in your marriage. Read More

Couple talking on a scenic overlook

5 Reasons You Don’t Feel Like a Team

By Relationship Basics, Relationship Dynamics 2 Comments

Do you and your spouse feel like a team? Or does it seem like something is getting in the way of that lately? It’s not unusual to go through periods where things are just out of sync between you. It can feel like you’re constantly at odds or working against each other, even if it’s not intentional. What’s going wrong? The reality is, sometimes you can fall into habits that shift the dynamic of your relationship in ways that gradually dissolve a team mentality. Here are five reasons you might not be feeling like a team and some tips for renewing that bond:

1. You’re not letting each other in.

Great teammates not only recognize and appreciate each other’s strengths, they are also keen to each other’s vulnerabilities. This insight is not used to criticize, but so that they can provide cover for each other in those weaker areas. In order to get to this point, you’ll need to be open and honest with each other about your struggles, fears, and insecurities. Keep in mind, you’ll need to give each other a criticism and judgment-free space to foster the emotional safety needed to be truly vulnerable. Once you’re both able to let your guards down and drop the defensiveness, you’re in a position to support each other in the best ways possible.

2. You’re keeping score.

Are you keeping a mental tally of how often you’ve done one of their usual chores, logging how much time they’ve spent on a solo hobby, or keeping track of how many times they’ve gotten up with the baby? Score-keeping can come in many forms, but they all have one thing in common: it’s not helping you be a better teammate. When you focus on specific numbers or quantities being “even,” it has a tendency to shift your mindset to “you vs. your spouse.” Marriage isn’t about giving and getting in equal and specific amounts. Instead, there will be times you carry more of the load and times that your spouse does. It’s part of the ebb and flow of marriage; the understanding that you have each other’s back and are there to lift each other up no matter what.

3. You’re not discussing expectations.

On great teams, each member knows exactly what is expected of them, what their role is, and what they’re trying to achieve. It creates a sense of camaraderie and oneness. Sharing expectations with each other – for your relationship and daily life – serves a similar purpose, and more. When you communicate your relationship expectations with each other, you’re making it easier for your partner to fulfill those expectations and creating a shared understanding to revisit when they aren’t met. When you understand what you’re both aiming for, you can support and encourage each other better. And perhaps even more importantly, you can empathize with each other if things don’t go how you envisioned. You can both feel like you’ve got someone in your corner cheering you on or helping you rally when you need it.

4. You’re going head-to-head during conflict.

Often during conflict, it feels like you’re on opposing sides and only one of you can come out victorious. A key mindset shift to make is that you’re actually sitting shoulder to shoulder, working together to draw up the best solution for your relationship. Sometimes a compromise is necessary. You might make individual concessions, but you are ultimately gaining much more as a couple when you focus on solving the problem cooperatively. Even in situations where it seems like there’s no way you’ll see eye to eye, shift your perspective to see the broader goal – chances are, you’ll be more aligned there than you think, you simply have different ideas for how you might get there. Trust each other to approach the problem from different angles and be willing to meet in the middle.

5. You’re not leveraging your differences.

If you and your spouse are very different personality-wise, it’s probably not new information. It can be easy to get stuck focusing on the seemingly negative aspects, especially when these differences cause conflict. You might fall into thinking, “If only they were more this or less that.” Unfortunately, this mindset will get you nowhere. But when you learn to accept each other (instead of trying to change each other), you can really begin to appreciate your differences and put them to work for you. You are a one-of-kind couple. The unique combination of your personalities is a big part of that and learning to make your differences work in your favor will help you feel like teammates throughout your marriage.

It’s one thing to know logically that marriage is about being a team, but it’s another to always feel that way when you’re in it. Sometimes you can get stuck in rut of “you vs. them” thinking and behaviors. Hopefully these reminders can help you recognize where things might be going wrong and correct your course quickly.

Smiling young couple friends hanging out in cafe cropped to show only faces

Nurturing Friendships Through All Seasons of Life

By Family & Friends 2 Comments

There was a time in your life – maybe not even that long ago, or maybe you’re still in it – when spending time with friends came naturally and with minimal effort. With just a simple call or text, you could meet up with hardly a moment’s notice. You saw your friends often, with little planning required.

At some point, things change. People move away, get married, focus on careers, have children. You have more responsibilities, demands on your time, and are simply busy with your own lives. It gets more and more difficult to stay connected. That being said, those friendships outside of your marriage are still important, even when they take more effort. Let’s explore some tips and reminders on nurturing those relationships no matter what season of life you’re in. Read More

3 Valentine’s Day Traditions Worth Starting

By Connection, Quality Time 4 Comments

While Valentine’s Day should be all about the love, people often are divided on how to celebrate. Some *love* this holiday. They love the traditions that come with it. Weeks ago they put out the heart-shaped decor around the house and started crafting the classroom valentines their kids will hand out, just like they used to when they were in school. Days ago they picked out a red sweater to wear to work today and picked up heart-shaped candy to put out on their desk like they do every year. When they get home, they’ll look forward to the annual romantic dinner paired with a gift from their partner.

Others, well, not so much. They think this day is full of traditions of overspending, consumerism, and inauthentic expressions of love.

Regardless of where you fall, there is value in tying tradition into the holiday. Valentine’s Day can be a great way to remind yourselves to do things for your relationship because well, it’s tradition! We’ve got some different types of traditions worth starting. They might not all be realistic to do this year, but bring these up with your partner and decide what traditions you want to start – and maybe you already have some that fit these suggestions. Read More

Couple holding hands while strolling on road in woods

5 Cheap Date Ideas with a Twist

By Quality Time 8 Comments

Valentine’s Day is around the corner. Do you have a date night planned? If you’re like most people, you’re probably trying to prioritize where to spend your hard earned cash and a big fancy date might be something you skip out on. You might think of dates as a non-essential, something you won’t notice you’re missing out on, something you’ll be fine living without. And its true to an extent. Dates aren’t one of those essential line items in the budget like food, housing, childcare, etc. You’ll be fine without the weekly or monthly date night out on the town. However, if you go too long without spending intentional time with your partner, you will feel that and the longterm impact is a big one. Read More

5 Things to Consider Before Venting About Your Spouse

The Complexities of Forgiveness

By Conflict 10 Comments

I forgive you. Is forgiveness as simple as saying those three words? Occasionally, it might be. Other times, it’s much more complicated.

The truth is, forgiveness is a crucial part of a lifelong marriage. You will inevitably experience and inflict hurts in your marriage. Without forgiveness, however, your relationship can become brittle and bogged down by the anger and resentment of those past wounds. Learning to embrace the various aspects of forgiveness opens you up to the possibility of peace, growth, and even a stronger marriage.

While the benefits of forgiveness seem straightforward enough, forgiveness itself can actually be quite complex. Let’s explore some of the reasons why. Read More

5 Ways Curiosity Improves Your Marriage

Start Feeling Happier in Your Marriage- Part 2

By Connection One Comment

Last week we posed the question: Do you feel happy and satisfied in your marriage? We acknowledged that the answer is not always simple, and that there are many dynamic factors that affect how satisfied you and your spouse feel with your relationship. While they can seem beyond your control, the good news is that you and your spouse actually do have a say in almost of all of them. Here are five more ways to start feeling happier in your marriage. Read More

A happy couple sitting together on the floor

Start Feeling Happier in Your Marriage- Part 1

By Connection 7 Comments

Do you feel happy and satisfied in your marriage? This might seem like a loaded question. On one hand, “yes” seems like the correct answer, but in reality, things can be a bit more complicated. Perhaps you don’t feel happy at the moment, or you’re going through a tough season. Maybe you’re usually pretty content, but have definitely experienced your ups and downs together.

The truth is, there are many dynamic factors that affect how satisfied you both feel with your relationship. The good news is that you and your spouse have control over almost of all of them – you’re not just passive passengers along for the ride. Need some examples? Here are five ways to start feeling happier in your marriage. Read More

Couple Sitting on Deck Chairs and Kissing

Closing the Gap Between Expectations and Reality

By Relationship Basics 8 Comments

Some say the key to avoiding disappointment is to keep your expectations low. Some even go so far as to say just don’t have any expectations at all. In some cases, this might work. Maybe your spirits have been crushed by your favorite sports team too many times to count, and you can’t simply invest any more emotional energy into getting your hopes up. Or perhaps you avoid reading any reviews of a movie you’ve wanted to see so that your own reaction isn’t swayed by your expectations.

When it comes to relationships, however, having expectations can be healthy. They help to set a standard for what is or isn’t acceptable and provide a baseline for holding yourself and each other accountable. They have the potential to push us to be a better partner and to grow as a couple.

You could say there’s a sweet spot for expectations in marriage, a balance between aspirational and attainable. Unfortunately, getting into this “zone” doesn’t always happen naturally. Sometimes it can seem like you’re both doing everything you should be, but there’s still a gap between expectations and reality. How can you bridge this gap? Let’s explore. Read More