Do you and your spouse need to get reacquainted?
You might think this is a silly question. You’re married, after all. Unless one of you comes down with a case of amnesia, why would you need to get reacquainted?
Perhaps the real question is: are you the same person you were when you first met? Do you have the same preferences, interests, and aspirations? How about your spouse? Chances are, you’ve both changed and evolved over time. Have you kept up with these changes in each other?
What many couples don’t realize is that continuing to truly know each other over the course of your marriage requires intentionally tuning in to your spouse’s inner world. This might come naturally as newlyweds, but as you go through busier seasons of life, it often requires more effort. Here are five ways to get (re)acquainted with each other on a regular basis.
Lean into curiosity.
When you’ve been together for a long time, it can seem as if you know everything about each other. You might even start to make assumptions about what your partner thinks or feels. Don’t fall into this habit! Staying curious helps you keep getting to know all aspects of each other, whether you’ve been together for three years or thirty. You gain insight and learn more about who they currently are instead of who they used to be or who you assume them to be. Ultimately, this helps you stay connected as you both grow in your own ways.
Pretend you’re on a first date.
Remember those early days of your relationship? You were constantly learning new things about each other, asking endless questions to uncover and soak up every facet of this fascinating person – you couldn’t get enough. There’d be new stories and tidbits at every turn. While you might know many of the answers to the questions you asked back then, it’s the effort and eagerness toward knowing each other that made this phase so exciting. Next time you’re on a date, try embodying that mindset.
Make it a regular thing.
When life gets hectic, it’s easy to deprioritize this type of thing. After all, there are probably many other demands on both of your time, energy, and attention. Instead of waiting for that magical opportunity to arise, make it a standing commitment. Maybe every year on your birthdays or anniversary, you “interview” each other. Simply asking, “What’s new with you?” could even be part of your weekly or monthly check-in. The idea is to make it habitual, woven into the tapestry of your relationship so that you don’t even have to think about it.
Don’t overthink it.
Sure, truly knowing your spouse typically means understanding them on a deeper level than just their favorite food or movie. However, staying “in the know” with each other doesn’t mean you have to have soul-baring conversations every day. It can be as simple as asking what new music or podcast they’ve discovered lately, what book they’re reading (do they like it?), or what they’re into right now or no longer into. Staying connected on the ho-hum, day-to-day stuff creates an existing depth to your knowledge of each other that helps the profound conversations happen on more naturally. Conversely, losing track of who your partner is often starts with failing to keep up with the seemingly superficial things.
Getting to know your spouse again isn’t a one-time task – it’s an ongoing effort that keeps your marriage dynamic and your connection strong. By leaning into curiosity, approaching each other with fresh eyes, and making it a regular part of your life together, you’ll not only stay current with who your partner is becoming, but you’ll also deepen the intimacy and friendship that brought you together in the first place.
