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Relationship Basics

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How to Become Positive Marriage Role Models

By Premarital, Relationship Basics, Resilience6 Comments

We know we learn through observing others – this is natural human behavior. Previously on the blog, we’ve talked about what marriage lessons we learn from our families – either as a young kid or even into our adulthood when we’re so kindly given those one-liner pieces of advice from family members. Thinking about those lessons, we encouraged you to consider what things you carry forward and strive to live up to in your marriage and relationships, as what you’d rather leave behind. Your family has good intentions, but they’re likely not all marriage experts.

What happens when you flip the question, to ask not about what you learned, but what can you teach others?

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a pregnant woman holding on to her husband's arm, who is holding their young son - cropped to show only faces

Marriage Lessons From Family

By Relationship Basics5 Comments

What did you learn from your family about marriage? You may have been given some thoughtful bits of wisdom from your grandma or uncle on your wedding day, and you probably picked up some subtle observations as a kid. Whether you realized it or not, you’ve been learning from relationship role models throughout your entire life.

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a couple sitting on a mountain top overlooking a mountain range, cropped to show only chest up

The Two-Way Street of Defensiveness

By Connection, Relationship Basics12 Comments

Is it just us or does the statement, “Don’t get so defensive!” seem to have the same effect as when someone tells you, “Just try to relax!”

In other words, it makes you feel the opposite of what’s intended – more defensive, less relaxed.

Unfortunately, defensiveness can be a catalyst for negative communication patterns. It can make it hard to talk through issues and be open, authentic, and vulnerable with each other.

Sometimes our defensiveness is our own doing, and sometimes it’s just a natural response to protect ourselves if we’re feeling attacked or exposed. And that’s why if we want to decrease defensiveness, it’s not just one person that needs to put in the effort – it’s a two-way street.

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a couple embracing on a wooden bridge while on a hike - cropped to show only faces

How to Support Instead of Solve

By Relationship Basics13 Comments

Are you a problem-solver? When your spouse comes to you with an issue, are you quick to offer a solution?

This can be a very positive trait in many areas of life. You’re action-oriented and aren’t one to wallow around in excuses or blame.

Have you ever been caught off guard by a negative reaction from your partner in response to your suggested solution? You probably thought (or said), “I was just trying to help!” and maybe felt a little hurt or annoyed yourself.

The thing is, sometimes a solution isn’t what your partner wants, or needs, or is ready for. So what do you do when they come to you in crisis or to share an issue or problem?

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a young asian couple sitting on the floor of their kitchen eating Chinese food, cropped to show only faces

5 Ways to Make “Same Old” Feel New

By Connection, Relationship Basics8 Comments

“New year, new you.” The saying has become pretty ubiquitous, but the idea of a new calendar year signaling a fresh start is hard to deny. The problem with the phrase is that it insinuates that you need to change completely, but hey, you might really like what you have going on! And the same goes for your relationship. You might not need a complete relationship overhaul, but perhaps there is room for a “refresh” in areas that have begun to feel mundane or routine. Similar to the burst of motivation and energy you get when you rearrange or reorganize your office, your relationship can be energized as well!

Here are five ways to inject some “new” into your “same old.”

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A couple holding hands and staring into the distance.

6 Steps to Make Relationship Goals Reality

By Relationship Basics, Resilience3 Comments

Let’s talk about relationship goals. No, not the vague social media hashtag, but the actual specific goals that you and your partner have for your own unique relationship. And that’s where it can get hard – putting your good intentions into real action instead of just remaining vague and abstract ideas of what you should or could be.

The CHANGE Model gives you concrete steps to help you develop an action plan for your relationship goals:

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A couple smiling while drinking wine.

4 Tips to Avoid Holiday Relationship Strain

By Connection, Relationship BasicsOne Comment

Does it feel like “What are you doing for the holidays?” is a loaded question this year? You’re not alone. Whether you’re doing the usual or changing up your plans, there’s bound to be some stress and strain making its way into your psyche – and maybe your relationship. Here are four “C’s” to help avoid unnecessary stress and strain between you and your partner.

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Candy canes on a mug with two wrapped Christmas gifts.

4 Gifts to Strengthen your Relationship

By Connection, Relationship Basics3 Comments

It’s that time of year. The time of year where most people fall into one of two camps: the “I’ve already finished my holiday shopping” camp, or the “What are you talking about, I’ve got a whole month” camp.

All joking aside, the holidays can be stressful, and this year is definitely no exception. Maybe your partner is hard to buy for, or maybe they’re not. Maybe you love the task of finding the perfect gift for them or maybe it’s a struggle. Perhaps money is tight this year, or you just want to do things differently. Wherever you’re at, here are four “gift” ideas that will strengthen your relationship (and don’t have to cost a lot of money).

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A couple in front of a table with technology on it.

The Perks and Challenges of Coworking with Your Spouse

By Quality Time, Relationship Basics3 Comments

Like many of you, I’ve been working from home since mid-March. It’s been an interesting change! There are certainly perks, but there are struggles, too. In my situation, I work from my home by myself all day. My husband leaves for work around 6:00am and usually returns around 3:30pm unless there are errands to run. I get a majority of my workday to be productive in whatever environment I want to create. Need to do some heads-down work? Great, I make a cup of tea and sit down at my desk. Need to crank out some paperwork? Perfect, I find that new podcast episode and play it while I check tasks off my to-do list. Need to jump on a spontaneous video call with a few coworkers? Easy, just hop on the call, no need to silence the house or notify anyone so they don’t accidentally make a background cameo. I fully realize how easy I have it when it comes to working from home, but I also know many of you don’t have much wiggle room to accommodate your work-from-home needs.  

Working from home with kids, whether they are distance learning or not, comes with a great deal of challenges – we hear people sharing their struggles with this firsthand and on social media. And while I can’t relate to those struggles, I try to empathize and give grace to those I know who are pushing through while in that exact situation.

But one scenario that I don’t see many people talking about, is working from home with your spouse. Specifically, those couples who were thrown into this reality and had to instantly learn how to co-work with their partner every day (not the couples who literally work for the same company together and sort of chose their own destiny).

What are the challenges and unexpected perks of co-working with someone you’re also married to?

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A married couple sitting on their couch with a dog and cat.

5 Reasons 2020 Was Good for Relationships

By Relationship Basics, Resilience5 Comments

This might sound crazy, but we’re going to put it out there: 2020 has been good for our relationships. Not just our relationship as a couple, but all of the meaningful relationships in our lives. Don’t get us wrong, it also put them to the test. We experienced tension, terse words, and probably a few arguments thrown in there, too. But we’ve now been in this long enough that we can pull back a bit and see things through a broader perspective.

Here are some of the positive effects on relationships we experienced this year.

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