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Resilience

Couple hugging in field

The Myth of Being Lucky in Love

By Relationship Basics, Resilience9 Comments

“Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.” Have you heard this quote? Although it originated in the context of sports and athletic talent, the idea can be applied to relationships as well. Sure, we don’t usually think of couples as being talented in the art of marriage, per se. What’s more common is the idea that certain couples or individuals are lucky in love – that they’re so perfectly matched and have such good fortune, they don’t have to put any work into having a happy and satisfying relationship; it just comes naturally. They can just coast on their luck (in love), so to speak. What do you think? Do some couples have it this good? Do you feel like you and your partner fall into this category? Read More

Couple holding hands in love

Don’t Let a Bad Day Come Between You

By Connection, Resilience8 Comments

How’s your day going? Maybe everything’s going your way. The sun’s shining, you hit all green lights on your commute, got great feedback from your boss on a big project, and tonight is date night. Or maybe it’s been one of those days – can anything else go wrong? You overslept, spilled your entire mug of coffee, and snapped at your spouse, all before leaving the house – and it didn’t get any better from there.

We’ve all been there. A bad day – or even just a bad start to your day – can throw you off entirely, affecting not only your own mood and wellbeing, but your relationship with your spouse as well. One bad day here and there seems harmless, but if we’re not cognizant of the way we handle them, negative patterns can begin to take hold. So how can you prevent a bad day from coming between you? Here are five tips to consider. Read More

Couple holding hands, looking at each other walking down snowy street

What We Learn From Looking Back

By Resilience3 Comments

They say you shouldn’t live in the past, and that’s probably true. But learning from the past – that’s a different story. In fact, taking time to reflect on the year gone by – whether it’s a calendar year or another year of marriage – is a great way to learn more about yourself, your partner, and your relationship. So cozy up together and talk through some of these questions, maybe even grab a piece of paper to jot down some notes. Consider them from both an individual and couple perspective. We’ll provide some context for what we can learn and how they can help you gain valuable insight. Read More

couple cuddling on their bed

3 Ordinary Situations That Catch Your Relationship Off Guard

By Conflict, Resilience7 Comments

Some say that life is made up of all of the ordinary moments and ho-hum days, the run-of-the-mill, mundane stuff that comprises our day to day. The peaks and valleys tend to get a lot of attention, but the majority of time is spent in the middle. It makes sense then, that these are the times that most often test your relationship in small ways, and usually when you least expect it. Here are three ordinary situations that can catch your relationship off guard: Read More

woman hugging man and kissing him on the cheek in front of green cacti

You Can Be Both Grateful And…

By Resilience8 Comments

I should be grateful.

Have you ever found yourself thinking these words on the heels of experiencing some negative emotions? Maybe you’re angry with your spouse or going through a tough time in general. You attempt to change your perspective and pull yourself out of your funk by focusing on gratitude instead. It’s a noble cause. After all, we talk about the positive effects of gratitude on this very blog.

The issue arises when we use an obligation to be grateful as a way to tamp down or invalidate other legitimate feelings. Here’s the deal: gratitude is not cancelled out by other emotions. You can be both grateful – and other things, too. Read More

woman working on laptop smiling as she watches husband and baby asleep on bed

Staying Optimistic During a Tough Season

By Resilience2 Comments

What is a tough season? Well, that’s going to be different for everyone. It could be the years when your children are young and you aren’t feeling connected. It could be a period of time when you’re struggling financially or facing career uncertainty. It might be a phase in which roles feel out of balance or your family is going through a transition. While the circumstances are all unique, the common thread is that when you’re in the thick of it, it feels hard. It’s easy to get discouraged, and you might begin to question how you’re going to make it through. Here are some tips for staying optimistic during a tough season. Read More

How to Boost Adaptability as a Couple (and Why It’s So Important)

By Resilience4 Comments

When we think of being adaptable, we might associate it with a person’s personality type. Some people are more adaptable and go with the flow, while others are more thrown off when the unexpected happens. However, it’s not just individuals who have varying levels of adaptability – relationships do, too.

Why is adaptability (or flexibility) important in relationships? Think of a small tree, weathering a storm. If that tree is able to bend and flex when it’s hit with strong gusts of wind, it has better odds of surviving the storm. If the trunk of that tree is brittle and rigid, it’s likely it will snap under the wind’s force and be left broken in the aftermath.

Being adaptable in your relationship is a lot like having that pliable trunk, with the storm being the adversity, stressors, and hardships that life can throw your way. Being flexible means you’re more likely to make it through those challenges as a couple and bounce back to a balanced state, while being rigid during trying times makes your relationship more susceptible to irreparable damage. Simply put, a healthy level of adaptability lends itself to a more resilient relationship.

You might be wondering, “Do we just have to wait for a crisis to find out whether we’re flexible, or is it something we can work on?” Luckily, it’s the latter! There are simple ways we can stretch and strengthen our adaptability muscles, both intentionally and by being mindful during certain every day situations. Here are some examples: Read More

Why Real Marriage Is Better Than a Fairytale

By Relationship Basics, Resilience8 Comments

“…and they lived happily ever after.”
We’ve all heard these feel-good words, whether we remember them from our childhood or read them to our own children every night. As adults, we chuckle, knowing they’re no more realistic than the talking animals and magic spells that fill the storybook pages before them. Despite knowing this logically, there might be a part of us that thinks, “But wouldn’t happily ever after be nice?”

Well, sure, maybe if you’re a two dimensional character in a fairytale. But for complex people in real life marriages, happily ever after is overrated. Here’s why: Read More

a family standing by a dinner table in a backyard, cropped to show only faces

How to Become Positive Marriage Role Models

By Premarital, Relationship Basics, Resilience6 Comments

We know we learn through observing others – this is natural human behavior. Previously on the blog, we’ve talked about what marriage lessons we learn from our families – either as a young kid or even into our adulthood when we’re so kindly given those one-liner pieces of advice from family members. Thinking about those lessons, we encouraged you to consider what things you carry forward and strive to live up to in your marriage and relationships, as what you’d rather leave behind. Your family has good intentions, but they’re likely not all marriage experts.

What happens when you flip the question, to ask not about what you learned, but what can you teach others?

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A couple holding hands and staring into the distance.

6 Steps to Make Relationship Goals Reality

By Relationship Basics, Resilience3 Comments

Let’s talk about relationship goals. No, not the vague social media hashtag, but the actual specific goals that you and your partner have for your own unique relationship. And that’s where it can get hard – putting your good intentions into real action instead of just remaining vague and abstract ideas of what you should or could be.

The CHANGE Model gives you concrete steps to help you develop an action plan for your relationship goals:

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