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The Downside of Comparison (& What To Do Instead)

The Downside of Comparison (& What To Do Instead)

By Relationship Basics, Resilience3 Comments

Oh look, one of your favorite couples that you follow on social media just went on (another) amazing vacation. They look so happy! They must be doing something right. Scroll, scroll, scroll. Ah, and there’s an old classmate gushing for paragraphs about their spouse… Should I be doing that? Should my spouse be doing that? Hmm, when was the last time we went on a romantic vacation or gushed about each other like that? Is our marriage going stale? Are we doing something wrong?

The pervasiveness of social media and the rise of “influencers” (both individuals and couples) has created innumerable opportunities for comparison to take hold. Even when you know it’s an unhealthy habit to fall into, comparison can creep into your thinking – especially when you’re constantly bombarded with what other couples are sharing about their own lives and relationships. You might begin feeling like your own life and marriage isn’t what it should be. Or perhaps you’ve started having a sense that something is missing. These nagging feelings often start out small, but they can become a larger problem if you’re not careful.

To avoid getting stuck in a rut of comparison, keep these things in mind: Read More

July 12, 2023
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couple walking hand in hand with child

5 Ways to Support Each Other as Parents

By Parenting10 Comments

As a couple, you learn to support each other in many facets of life. Perhaps you’ve cheered on your partner through a tough job search. Maybe their career is chugging along and you support them in the demands it requires of them. Or one of you has faced health issues and the other has been your rock. Maybe you’ve motivated and pushed each other to get out of debt. While these are all aspects that can come and go throughout your relationship, one area that takes many couples by surprise is parenting.

When you become parents, you’re both in a completely new element. It’s hard enough figuring out your own needs and identity as a parent, and knowing how to support your spouse is a challenge all its own. Parenting becomes another aspect of your couple relationship that thrives when you both feel supported by each other. Here are some ways you can weave support for each other as parents throughout your relationship: Read More

July 21, 2021
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couple sharing an inside joke

How to Nurture Friendship with Your Spouse

By Connection21 Comments

Is your spouse your best friend? If you’re hesitant to say yes, that’s okay. It’s natural to think of your spouse, as well, your spouse. Your “best friend” might be that lifelong childhood buddy or your roommate from freshman year of college. It’s healthy to have good friendships outside your marriage.

But did you know research shows that couples who share a deep friendship are often happier in their relationship? Dr. John Gottman considers friendship the foundation of a strong marriage, and it makes sense. With friendship comes a mutual respect, care and affection for each other. Although physical intimacy is an important part of marriage, there are times and circumstances when it will be lower priority. A strong friendship will help you stay emotionally connected to each other and committed to your relationship. Here’s how you can nurture friendship with your spouse: Read More

June 30, 2021
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Appreciating Your Partner’s Personality

By Relationship Dynamics8 Comments

Do you ever find yourself getting annoyed with your partner’s personality? Of course, you still love them unconditionally, but man, sometimes you just can’t help but wonder… Why do they do that? Why are they that way??

The ironic thing is that if you’ve been together for any length of time, the traits that start to annoy you are often the same ones that drew you to each other initially. That gregarious sense of humor now sometimes makes you grit your teeth. Those superb planning skills can feel more exhausting than efficient.

Personality traits tend to stay pretty consistent over the course of life, which means attempting to change them or waiting for them to change on their own is not the best use of anyone’s time, energy, or relationship! What’s more useful? Learning to appreciate your partner’s personality and manage your differences and similarities in positive ways. Here are some tips to do just that. Read More

June 16, 2021
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3 Ways Empathy Transforms Your Marriage

By Connection, Relationship Basics19 Comments

Some people are natural empaths. They feel what others are feeling without even trying, even people they’ve just met. Most of us have to work at empathy a little more intentionally, even with someone as close to us as our spouse. Research has shown that reminding people what empathy is can actually help them be more empathetic. So as a review for those of us who are not natural empaths, empathy is understanding or feeling what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference – or in other words, putting yourself in their shoes.

Seeing things from your partner’s frame of reference increases your connection and does wonders for the way you communicate. Here are three scenarios that show how empathy can have a profoundly positive effect on your relationship: Read More

May 19, 2021
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Man kissing woman on the forehead

The Keys to Productive Complaining

By Conflict7 Comments

It sounds like an oxymoron. Complaining doesn’t usually get associated with being productive. But in the context of your relationship, complaining is actually preferable to the damage of criticism.

Renowned marriage researcher and therapist John Gottman has pinpointed what he calls the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse – four communication habits that can be predictive of divorce with a shocking 90% accuracy. You guessed it, one of the Horsemen is criticism.

Now for the good news: as we mentioned earlier, complaining is the healthier alternative to criticism. It helps ensure you’re both making an effort and can be an antidote to complacency. Want to complain more productively? Keep these tips in mind:

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May 5, 2021
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Couple talking on a scenic overlook

5 Ways To Show You’re Really Listening

By Relationship Basics10 Comments

Are you even listening to me?!

Have you ever been on the receiving end of this question? It’s not a great feeling. You might feel like you’re justifiably getting called out or you might get a little indignant because you were actually listening!  Whatever the case, something is missing when it comes to your active listening, which is foundational to good communication.

Here are five tips to make sure your partner feels heard:

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April 28, 2021
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Couple cuddling together on their bed

Putting the Quality in Quality Time

By Connection, Quality Time5 Comments

Our time is so valuable these days. We’re always looking for ways to save time or make the most of our time. When all is said and done, what -or who – are we conserving that time for? Well, many of us want that extra time to spend with our loved ones – our spouse and family. Whether you’re in a super busy season of life or you just want to make the most of the valuable time you spend together, here are three tips for increasing the quality of your quality time:

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April 21, 2021
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Two couples laughing together after a mountain hike

How to Make New (Couple) Friends

By Family & Friends3 Comments

How to make friends is a social skill you learn early on in life, far before you know what a social skill is. Looking back, you were probably encouraged to play with a neighbor at a playground or sit next to a kid in preschool. Over time you kind of figure out what you have in common with certain kids, find yourself drifting towards those who enjoy the same things you do, and lo and behold, you have a friend. As kids, we can even be quite blunt about it by straight up asking, “Do you want to be my friend?” We like to show off our BFF – best friend forever – even proclaiming that status through a special handshake or cheap matching jewelry. And just as quick as we begin friendships, we end them, exiling someone for being mean or having the audacity to sit by someone else at lunch.

The point of this is that as kids, making friends was usually pretty easy. It was a natural part of your development as a child. Your parents celebrated each new friendship, your environment (aka school) fostered friendship development, and you had tons of time to dedicate to nurturing those new relationships – basically you had time to play together.

But what happens when you get older, and you need/want to make new friends? It’s hard! You may not have the time, support system, or even skills to start new friendships. Another challenging aspect of developing friendships as adults is that you may be trying to build friendships as a couple, with other couples.

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April 14, 2021
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