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Relationship Basics

A couple laughing together.

Help for Help Saboteurs

By Relationship Basics10 Comments

Are you a help saboteur? (Do you sabotage your partner’s help?) Some might understand what this means without further explanation. For those who don’t, you might be a help saboteur if:

  • You wish for your partner to take some things off your plate, but when they do, they don’t do it “right”.
  • You feel very strongly that the “right” way (aka your way), is the only way.
  • Your motto is “If you want it done right, do it yourself.” (Just kidding – sort of.)

If this sounds like you, don’t worry—you’re not alone. Millions of relationships are affected by this every day.

All joking aside, in the months leading up to the arrival of our first child, I knew I was going to have to get better at accepting help from my husband around the house; I simply would not be able to do it all.

I also knew that I would be annoyed.

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July 1, 2020
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A husband and wife and their two children cooking breakfast together.

3 Ways Your Childhood Impacts Your Relationship

By Relationship Basics8 Comments

Let’s go back in time. Think about when you were a kid. Are there things your family did that you were later surprised to learn was not how everyone else did it?

Did you keep butter in the fridge or on the table? Were birthdays a week-long celebration or not that big of a deal? Did you sit down at the dinner table every night at 6:00pm on the dot? Are there things you do a certain way today simply because that’s how it was always done in your home growing up?

The fact is, what we experience in our family of origin (which is the people who raise us and who we spend most of our childhood with) often does show up in your couple relationship in one way or another. How so? The following scenarios demonstrate three ways family of origin experiences can manifest in your relationship:

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June 24, 2020
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A swing at an outdoor wedding.

4 Wedding Challenges That Will Benefit Your Marriage

By Premarital, Relationship Basics, Resilience10 Comments

Wedding season is in full swing right now, or at least it would be during a normal year. The reality is, even if you don’t have to cancel or postpone your big day, there’s a chance that things might look different than you envisioned. Feeling disappointment and sense of grief is normal and valid. We understand all the planning and resources that go into these momentous events! But we also want to encourage you to keep your eye on the prize – a long, happy marriage.

Here are four challenges you might be facing for your 2020 wedding – and how they might actually be an opportunity to strengthen your marriage in the long run.

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June 17, 2020
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A couple hugging in the middle of a city street.

Things to Take With You From Quarantine

By Quality Time, Relationship Basics8 Comments

Our exact timelines will vary, but we’ve all been in this for a while now. Quarantine, lockdown, shelter-in-place, or whatever you want to call the new normal we’ve been living. Depending on where you live, you could be pivoting towards opening up and going back to something resembling life “before.” For some of us, life will continue to unfold in restricted, socially-distant reality. We hope that over the last weeks and months, you’ve been able use some of your time at home to invest in your relationship. As you prepare to step back into the hustle and bustle of life, we encourage you to reflect on the things you want to take with you and carry on from this time. Yes, we know there are probably many things you’d like to leave behind, but there has been some good that has come out of staying home and slowing down your pace of life.

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May 13, 2020
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A couple holding hands and staring into each others eyes in a field.

5 Ways to Come Out of This Stronger Than Ever

By Relationship Basics9 Comments

Every day we are presented with opportunities to strengthen our relationship. Most of the time these opportunities are disguised as ordinary interactions or situations. Other times we’re presented with circumstances that completely throw us for a loop. (Oh hi, COVID-19!) When we don’t have any control over the circumstances, we do have control over how we react to them.

In our recent Rally for Relationships livestream event, Jocelyn and Aaron Freeman talked about how the current situation can either strain or strengthen your relationship. Here are five possible relationship strains you might be facing right now and strengthening solutions to help you come out stronger.

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April 29, 2020
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couple holding hands drinking coffee

5 Small Ways You Can Support Each Other Every Day

By Relationship Basics14 Comments

If there’s one thing we’re learning right now, it’s that the adage is true: the little things are the big things. Taking time to enjoy the little things, feeling gratitude for them, and putting effort into doing them for others can turn a blah day into a great one. It’s all about perspective.

Your partner is probably one of the people you’re spending the most time with right now, so the seemingly small ways in which you show up for each other during this time can make a huge difference. Here are five examples:

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April 8, 2020
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an alarm clock on a table

The Rules of Taking a Time-Out

By Conflict, Relationship BasicsOne Comment

“We kept fighting and fighting and yelling and screaming and eventually we solved the whole problem completely!” Said no spouse, ever.

One of the most significant tools I help couples learn to implement into their conflict process is the time-out. Though I’m sure this term makes you think of a toddler sitting in the corner of a kitchen on their mini-stool with a parent standing over them shaking their finger, a time-out in the context of a marriage is a powerful and honorable thing to do.

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June 17, 2016
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a stethoscope on a medical chart

Relationship Rx: Gratitude

By Relationship BasicsNo Comments

gratitude 

noun grat·i·tude \ˈgra-tə-ˌtüd, -ˌtyüd\: a feeling of appreciation or thanks

While Merriam-Webster’s definition of gratitude is pretty clear and encompassing, I think we all might feel gratitude in slightly different ways. To me, gratitude differs from appreciation in that I can appreciate a good book, a dry sense of humor, or a killer pair of shoes. However, I am grateful for the things (and people) that I feel I don’t entirely deserve.

Whatever your personal definition of the word, recent studies have found that gratitude may be a key factor in making your relationship last. What if we could replace annoyance, anger, or resentment with feelings of gratitude instead? Read More

November 25, 2015
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