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marriage

A couple holding hands on a mountaintop.

2 Reasons We Give Up On Goals (And How to Overcome Them)

By Connection5 Comments

Longing for self-improvement or achievement is an all too familiar feeling we seem to get around this time of year. We look forward to what’s to come and think that something magical will happen on January 1st to boost us up with energy to hit new milestones. These goals we set for ourselves can be sourced from all aspects of life. We want to eat healthier and exercise more. We want to be more present with our families and less connected to our smart phones. We want to achieve more at work and secure that promotion. It’s natural to want to get better and the marking of a new year feels like a natural time to set those goals.

However, we’ve also all likely felt the devastation of realizing we made nearly zero progress towards a goal once we’re about six or so weeks into the new year. The novelty of a new routine has worn off or the challenge of trying something different has just become really hard, so we cut ourselves some slack on the goal. We lower what we’re reaching for, push out the timeline we set, or we just give up entirely.

Why is this? You start to wonder. I’m capable, I have the desire, why do I stall out when the work to get there feels mundane or difficult?

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December 30, 2020
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A couple smiling while drinking wine.

4 Tips to Avoid Holiday Relationship Strain

By Connection, Relationship BasicsOne Comment

Does it feel like “What are you doing for the holidays?” is a loaded question this year? You’re not alone. Whether you’re doing the usual or changing up your plans, there’s bound to be some stress and strain making its way into your psyche – and maybe your relationship. Here are four “C’s” to help avoid unnecessary stress and strain between you and your partner.

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December 23, 2020
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Candy canes on a mug with two wrapped Christmas gifts.

4 Gifts to Strengthen your Relationship

By Connection, Relationship Basics3 Comments

It’s that time of year. The time of year where most people fall into one of two camps: the “I’ve already finished my holiday shopping” camp, or the “What are you talking about, I’ve got a whole month” camp.

All joking aside, the holidays can be stressful, and this year is definitely no exception. Maybe your partner is hard to buy for, or maybe they’re not. Maybe you love the task of finding the perfect gift for them or maybe it’s a struggle. Perhaps money is tight this year, or you just want to do things differently. Wherever you’re at, here are four “gift” ideas that will strengthen your relationship (and don’t have to cost a lot of money).

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December 9, 2020
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A couple in front of a table with technology on it.

The Perks and Challenges of Coworking with Your Spouse

By Quality Time, Relationship Basics3 Comments

Like many of you, I’ve been working from home since mid-March. It’s been an interesting change! There are certainly perks, but there are struggles, too. In my situation, I work from my home by myself all day. My husband leaves for work around 6:00am and usually returns around 3:30pm unless there are errands to run. I get a majority of my workday to be productive in whatever environment I want to create. Need to do some heads-down work? Great, I make a cup of tea and sit down at my desk. Need to crank out some paperwork? Perfect, I find that new podcast episode and play it while I check tasks off my to-do list. Need to jump on a spontaneous video call with a few coworkers? Easy, just hop on the call, no need to silence the house or notify anyone so they don’t accidentally make a background cameo. I fully realize how easy I have it when it comes to working from home, but I also know many of you don’t have much wiggle room to accommodate your work-from-home needs.  

Working from home with kids, whether they are distance learning or not, comes with a great deal of challenges – we hear people sharing their struggles with this firsthand and on social media. And while I can’t relate to those struggles, I try to empathize and give grace to those I know who are pushing through while in that exact situation.

But one scenario that I don’t see many people talking about, is working from home with your spouse. Specifically, those couples who were thrown into this reality and had to instantly learn how to co-work with their partner every day (not the couples who literally work for the same company together and sort of chose their own destiny).

What are the challenges and unexpected perks of co-working with someone you’re also married to?

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December 2, 2020
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A married couple sitting on their couch with a dog and cat.

5 Reasons 2020 Was Good for Relationships

By Relationship Basics, Resilience5 Comments

This might sound crazy, but we’re going to put it out there: 2020 has been good for our relationships. Not just our relationship as a couple, but all of the meaningful relationships in our lives. Don’t get us wrong, it also put them to the test. We experienced tension, terse words, and probably a few arguments thrown in there, too. But we’ve now been in this long enough that we can pull back a bit and see things through a broader perspective.

Here are some of the positive effects on relationships we experienced this year.

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November 25, 2020
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A large family standing on a beach holding hands at sunset.

Crazy Families

By Premarital, Relationship Basics, Resilience, Uncategorized3 Comments

My brother recently got married. During the reception, they played the game where the bride and groom sit in chairs back to back. They each hold one of their own shoes and one of their spouse’s shoes in each hand. The DJ then reads off a series of questions, such as, “Who is the better driver?” or “Who is a night owl?”, and the newlyweds raise the shoe of whomever they think the answer is. It’s entertaining to see how similarly (or not) the couple responds!

One of the questions for my brother and his new wife was, “Who has the crazier family?”

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November 18, 2020
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A woman resting her head on a man's shoulder.

4 Ways to Support Your Spouse Through Hardship

By Resilience15 Comments

Tough times are eventually going to find you, it’s inevitable. Life has a way of interjecting adversity despite all we do to try and prevent it. Sometimes, it’s trivial and throws you off for a few weeks, and sometimes it’s life-changing and gives you a new perspective on just about everything.

When bigger adversity challenges you and your partner together, as a couple, there can be a “we’re in this together” bond that is pretty powerful and can give you the momentum to push through the difficult time. However, when something happens to you or your partner separately, it can feel very isolating, even though it’s likely that you’re both significantly affected by it. Tough times that fall into this category can vary greatly, but examples would be a health diagnosis or a job loss. 

In the case where it’s just happening to one of you, it’s really important to remember that even though it may feel as though it’s only happening to the one person, it’s really impacting both of you.

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November 11, 2020
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A couple holding hands in the desert.

Why Your Expectations Sneak Up On You

By Relationship BasicsOne Comment

Expectations are like a measuring stick that we hold our reality up against. If they’re too high, you’re going to feel pretty disappointed in the state of things. Too low, and you might be settling for less than you should.

In the context of relationships, expectations play a huge role in how happy and satisfied you feel. But the process of learning how to manage them in a healthy way can come with its own set of growing pains. Why? What makes it so hard? Well, one reason is that oftentimes we don’t even realize we have them, or if we do, we don’t understand where they came from.

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November 4, 2020
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A couple kissing on a doorstep.

Staying Curious

By Relationship Basics11 Comments

Let’s call it what it is, life is tough right now.  We’re still trying to learn our new normal, adjust to working from home, figure out virtual visits, and experiencing a lot of change to our daily routine.  On top of all of that, we are trying to keep our relationships steady and maybe spending more time in our pajamas together.

I have to say, I am personally spending a large amount of time with my partner during the pandemic.  It’s hard to get together with friends or see family, outside of virtual visits.  Since nothing is open, we have been enjoying more movie nights or making dinner together.

With that being said, we are spending so much time together that I cannot lie, he is getting under my skin!

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October 21, 2020
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A woman riding on a mans back in a green field.

Break Your Communication Barriers

By Relationship Basics5 Comments

“If there’s an issue, make sure you always communicate,” they said.
“It’s the key to everything,” they said.

If only it were that simple. We’ll be the first to admit we’re big on emphasizing the importance of quality communication in your relationship. And it is important. It’s the foundation for staying connected, working through conflict, and the key to so many other aspects of your relationship. But as straightforward as that sounds, that very basic thing can actually be very difficult. You might feel like, “Oh geez, if we can’t even do the basics, where does that leave us?” That can be very discouraging.

Sometimes when we’re trying to work through a conflict or a contentious issue, things quickly devolve into an unproductive argument. Once again, nothing gets resolved. Why does this keep happening? There may be barriers preventing us from letting down our defenses and being vulnerable so that we can truly hear each other.

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October 14, 2020
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