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Couple warming hands by the fire in front of cabin surrounded by snow

Our Top 5 Blog Posts of 2023

By UncategorizedOne Comment

It’s time once again to reveal our most popular blog posts of the past year. We love seeing which posts pulled you in and resonated the most. This year, you were most interested in ways to keep your marriage fresh, maintaining relationship rituals, validating each other, and apologizing sincerely. So here are the top five blog posts of 2023, all rounded up in one place. Let’s count them down. Read More

A large family standing on a beach holding hands at sunset.

Crazy Families

By Premarital, Relationship Basics, Resilience, Uncategorized3 Comments

My brother recently got married. During the reception, they played the game where the bride and groom sit in chairs back to back. They each hold one of their own shoes and one of their spouse’s shoes in each hand. The DJ then reads off a series of questions, such as, “Who is the better driver?” or “Who is a night owl?”, and the newlyweds raise the shoe of whomever they think the answer is. It’s entertaining to see how similarly (or not) the couple responds!

One of the questions for my brother and his new wife was, “Who has the crazier family?”

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A couple embracing and looking off into the distance at the water.

Ears to Hear

By Uncategorized3 Comments

“Check out this one,” my wife said as she handed me her phone. I turned from what I was doing and glanced at the nearby house for sale, noting its far out-of-reach price.
“Looks great,” I replied, wondering why my wife was doing this to herself and what the point was. She couldn’t possibly be serious about the idea of moving, and even so, I thought, we couldn’t really afford to upgrade. Our current mortgage was quite manageable thanks to purchasing a modest home over a decade ago when prices were lower, plus refinancing when mortgage rates were historically low. Why would we mess with that?

On the other hand, since buying our house our family of three had become a family of six. Over the years we had worked hard to optimize the use of space in our house, and yet, I had to admit, we were bursting at the seams. Most pressing, our college freshman daughter, whose departure provided temporary relief, lacked a bedroom to move back into. Her younger sister had taken hers over the day she moved out. “We’ll figure something out” I assured her…mostly trying to assure myself. Day after day the pattern continued–my wife showing me houses that I didn’t think were realistic, which I communicated through deafening silence. I grew frustrated as my wife slid towards despair. Something had to give. Read More

The top of a pineapple.

How Your Relationship is Like a Pineapple

By Uncategorized3 Comments
Two nearly overripe pineapples sat on the cutting board in front of me.   I had been walking by these pineapples for days thinking, “Who is going to cut up the pineapples?” I finally came to the conclusion that if I didn’t, they would go to waste. As I cut them I thought “Why did my husband buy these? Why didn’t he cut them up? It’s a lot of work to cut up a pineapple. Is he expecting me to cut them up? Why does he buy laborious fruit and not prepare it? Why can’t I at least be thankful that he is buying fresh fruit?”

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Here’s a Secret to a Happier Relationship

By UncategorizedOne Comment

We’ve heard it before.  Relationships can, and will (if we let them), fall in a rut.  We know they take energy, we know they take effort, we’ve heard this all before.  Amongst the extensive amount of stale relationship advice we’ve heard time and time again, this one stands out as most over-used.

But what if we told you that putting in the effort in a new and exciting way can actually make you a happier couple? Read More

Boots splashing in a puddle.

Making Sense of Messy Transitions

By UncategorizedNo Comments

The days are getting longer. The snow piles are slowly beginning to disappear. Winter is transitioning to spring.

The P/E office is in a state of disarray. Walls have been torn down, sheets of plastic hang from the ceiling, and the smell of fresh paint lingers. Staff is transitioning to a new collaborative office space. 

Transitions are messy. Between the starkness of winter and the promising warmth of spring, there are a lot of half-snow-half-rain, slushy, gray days (at least in Minnesota.)  In the office, people are displaced from their desks, moving to temporary work spaces with their belongings in boxes around their feet. Extension cords snake across the floor as we wait for electrical work to be completed before people move into their permanent spots.

Transitions that disrupt our physical environment can be a pain. But in examples like these, we usually have a sense of what the end state will be: spring will arrive in full force, days will be warm enough to go without a jacket, and winter will be but a memory. Our office will eventually be finished, we’ll settle into our new space, and enjoy our exciting, collaborative environment.

But what about transitions that are more ambiguous, such as those in our life and relationships? Read More

A basketball in a basketball hoop.

7 Ways to Avoid Marriage Madness

By UncategorizedNo Comments

Stomping like a child, I stormed back and forth between our garage and house.  I was so angry!  Brad and I were packing for a trip to spend time with my family.  We were in a disagreement about where we were going to stay and how much time we were going to spend with my family while on the trip.  I thought he should want more time with my family.  Our interaction soured the whole trip.  This is my first recollection of my marriage making me mad.

Almost fifteen years in, and a few mad episodes later, here are some reflections on ways to minimize marriage madness.

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A couple folding laundry together.

Why it’s Good to Have Expectations in Your Relationship

By Uncategorized13 Comments

Have you ever heard of the “nocebo effect”?  No?  Me neither.

Have you heard of the “placebo effect”?  It’s the phenomenon where if you believe you are being treated for something, you feel the effects of it.  For example, if you are told the pill you are taking will cure your headache, you take it and assume your headache will go away.  When it does go away, you think nothing of it, except when you are told the pill you took is a sugar pill.  That’s the placebo effect.

Well, apparently the same goes for the opposite of the placebo effect – the nocebo effect.  If you believe that something is not going to work, it doesn’t.  If you are told the aspirin you are about to take is a dud and won’t work, it doesn’t – even if it’s the same kind of aspirin you always take for your headaches.

Can you imagine how the nocebo effect could affect your relationship? Read More