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Ann Malmberg

How to Boost Adaptability as a Couple (and Why It’s So Important)

By Resilience4 Comments

When we think of being adaptable, we might associate it with a person’s personality type. Some people are more adaptable and go with the flow, while others are more thrown off when the unexpected happens. However, it’s not just individuals who have varying levels of adaptability – relationships do, too.

Why is adaptability (or flexibility) important in relationships? Think of a small tree, weathering a storm. If that tree is able to bend and flex when it’s hit with strong gusts of wind, it has better odds of surviving the storm. If the trunk of that tree is brittle and rigid, it’s likely it will snap under the wind’s force and be left broken in the aftermath.

Being adaptable in your relationship is a lot like having that pliable trunk, with the storm being the adversity, stressors, and hardships that life can throw your way. Being flexible means you’re more likely to make it through those challenges as a couple and bounce back to a balanced state, while being rigid during trying times makes your relationship more susceptible to irreparable damage. Simply put, a healthy level of adaptability lends itself to a more resilient relationship.

You might be wondering, “Do we just have to wait for a crisis to find out whether we’re flexible, or is it something we can work on?” Luckily, it’s the latter! There are simple ways we can stretch and strengthen our adaptability muscles, both intentionally and by being mindful during certain every day situations. Here are some examples: Read More

September 15, 2021
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Couple in the kitchen hanging out

How to Prepare for a Productive Discussion

By Connection4 Comments

Do you remember the last big discussion you had with your partner? Was it spur of the moment or planned in advance? Were you prepared for it?

We usually associate being prepared with things like taking a test, packing for a trip, or saving money in case of an emergency. Less often do we consider whether we’re prepared to talk to each other. But the fact is, preparing ourselves for an important conversation can be the difference between a game-changing, productive discussion or an argument leaving you both feeling frustrated and disconnected from each other.

The important discussions you have as a couple will likely cover a wide range of topics, whether it’s about managing money, growing your family, changing careers, or your relationship. No matter the topic, you can use the following checklist to make sure you’re both prepared to have the talk: Read More

September 1, 2021
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couple in lake splashing water on each other

4 Strategies to Defuse a Fight

By Conflict15 Comments

Have you ever had a fight brew up out of nowhere? One minute, you’re laughing and affectionate with each other; the next minute, you’re both hurling snarky comments and feeling anything but connected.

So what happened in those two minutes? How did you go from enjoying each other’s company to finding yourself in a fight? You might be thinking, “All I said was XYZ!” Your partner might be thinking, “I can’t believe they said XYZ!”

Oftentimes, there is a trigger – something that stirs up emotions. Then there are a series of choices that we make that lead us down the fight path. The problem is, strong emotions make it difficult to make rational decisions, and our natural instinct is to protect ourselves. This means we might react in a way that triggers our partner, inadvertently or not. You can see how this creates the perfect conditions for an unexpected fight.

So how can we get better at managing our emotions and making choices that defuse those moments instead of fanning the flames? Here are four strategies to add to your repertoire: Read More

August 25, 2021
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couple smiling at each other at home

3 Steps to Being More Assertive in Your Relationship

By Relationship Basics, Relationship Dynamics6 Comments

Ahh, the kids are in bed and you’ve just settled into your favorite spot on the couch for a Netflix session with your spouse. Now, what to watch? You scroll and scroll through the options, waiting for your partner to suggest something. A few things grab your interest, but you don’t say anything. What if they’re not into it? What if it’s not good? Your partner finally calls out an option. You’re not crazy about the choice, but you start it anyway. Then for the next 90 minutes you sit silently wishing you’d picked something you wanted to watch – it had to be better than this!

This is a trivial example, but it’s a microcosm of the role of assertiveness in relationships. In the realm of good communication, assertiveness is the flip side of active listening. It’s being self-aware enough to know what we want and need, and then communicating that to our partner in an honest, respectful way. It’s giving your partner a fair shot at meeting your needs and wishes while also being accountable for your own happiness and satisfaction.

For some people, assertiveness comes relatively easily. You’re confident and comfortable asking for what you want; you don’t take it personally if you don’t always get it. It doesn’t hurt to ask, right? Or, maybe you’ve even been called out for being too assertive or domineering in some situations. For others, however, being assertive is a struggle, and it’s one that can build upon itself. You don’t voice your needs, so you don’t get them. You feel a lack of agency over your situation, causing you to feel even less confident. It can be a tough cycle to break, but it’s not impossible. Here are some ways you can begin being more assertive in your relationship: Read More

August 18, 2021
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family in the kitchen making dinner

4 Work-Life Boundaries to Create Today

By Quality Time6 Comments

Whether you work from home or go into an office or job site every day (or some days), it’s a challenge to strike a balance between work and home. Why is this balance so important? Because when work begins to seep into all hours of our day, our relationship suffers. How can we avoid this path? One way is by being intentional about creating healthy boundaries between our work life and home life. Let’s explore some ways we can put this into practice. Read More

August 11, 2021
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couple sitting on exercise mat

Hidden Opportunities to Foster Connection

By Connection9 Comments

When it comes to quality time, we often think we need to carve out a special spot in the day/week/month for time to focus on each other and nurture our relationship. This is partially true. Date nights and daily check ins (or some variation of them) are definitely a must-have for maintaining a strong relationship. However, there are actually hidden opportunities to foster connection already tucked throughout your day-to-day life. Here are few to get you started: Read More

August 4, 2021
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couple sitting side by side at a table smiling

4 Essentials For a Winning Compromise

By Conflict, Relationship Basics5 Comments

Compromise can sometimes get a bad rap. In some contexts it can mean neither side is really getting what they want. In others it can mean settling for less than the ideal. But in the context of relationships, compromise is crucial. When done well, it can be a productive tool to rely on when you and your partner are dealing with disagreement. Here are some essentials for a winning compromise: Read More

July 28, 2021
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couple walking hand in hand with child

5 Ways to Support Each Other as Parents

By Parenting10 Comments

As a couple, you learn to support each other in many facets of life. Perhaps you’ve cheered on your partner through a tough job search. Maybe their career is chugging along and you support them in the demands it requires of them. Or one of you has faced health issues and the other has been your rock. Maybe you’ve motivated and pushed each other to get out of debt. While these are all aspects that can come and go throughout your relationship, one area that takes many couples by surprise is parenting.

When you become parents, you’re both in a completely new element. It’s hard enough figuring out your own needs and identity as a parent, and knowing how to support your spouse is a challenge all its own. Parenting becomes another aspect of your couple relationship that thrives when you both feel supported by each other. Here are some ways you can weave support for each other as parents throughout your relationship: Read More

July 21, 2021
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4 Virtues of Great Marriage Mentors

By Premarital3 Comments

Have you heard of marriage mentors? They’re often part of premarital programs in churches or other couple-focused organizations. You may have worked with a marriage mentor couple yourself and experienced the benefits firsthand.

Marriage mentors are pretty much what they sound like: mentors for your marriage. Also called “mentor couples,” marriage mentors are couples who’ve been married long enough to have experience and perspective when it comes to the ups and downs of marriage. They provide support, encouragement, and guidance to engaged or newlywed couples. If you serve as a marriage mentor couple already, thank you for giving your time and experience to this important work!

There are some misconceptions about marriage mentors. It might seem like they need to have a perfect marriage and be experts on relationships, but that’s simply not the case. It turns out, the best mentors often have these surprising traits: Read More

July 14, 2021
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Relationship Basics - Part 2

Why You Should Hype Up Date Night

By Connection, Quality Time10 Comments

Dates. Couples are always told to prioritize going on regular dates. We’ve certainly talked a lot about the importance of dates here on the Prepare/Enrich blog. We’ve given many ideas for day dates, cheap dates, weekend getaway dates, at-home dates, the standard date nights, and so on and so forth. We’ve talked about why dates are important – they provide opportunity to connect, go deeper in conversation with each other, and really invest in your relationship. We’ve also helped you overcome common obstacles couples face when they try and schedule a date – childcare, expectations, expense, etc.

But today, we’re sharing why you should hype up dates with your spouse and how you can do that without setting yourselves up for disappointment. Read More

July 7, 2021
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