Do you bring out the best in your spouse? It might be hard to know exactly. You often hear happy couples say they bring out the best in each other, but what does it really mean? Does it happen organically, or is it something you can work on? While there is no perfect formula, spouses that bring out the best in each other typically do these 7 things: Read More
If you’re a football fan, you’re probably excited that a new season is upon us. If you’re not, you could be anywhere from apathetic to annoyed to completely unaware. Either way, we’ll cut to the chase – this post is not really about football. But it is about a figure of speech that originates from football: outkicking your coverage. Have you heard this phrase used in the context of relationships?
If you haven’t, it’s typically used to insinuate that a person’s spouse is more attractive or desirable than they are. Alternatives are (for some reason) similarly sports-themed – out of your league or batting above your average are common ones. The truth is, it’s not usually very helpful to judge or speculate about the dynamics of others’ relationships, although sometimes it can help us reflect on our own. So let’s take that road instead. Read More
They say that loving your spouse is a choice you make every day. That’s true, but is it really just based on one single choice? Perhaps more accurately, it is the cumulative effect of many choices you make throughout the course of every day. Small forks in the road can send the dynamics of your marriage down a path of warmth and connection, or quite the opposite. Sort of like those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books that were popular in the 80’s and 90’s, the decisions you make when interacting with your spouse have a way of feeding off the previous and into the next. For better or worse, these seemingly small choices can become ingrained as habits or relationship patterns that stick. Wondering what we mean? Here are 4 forks in the road you might encounter on a daily basis: Read More
They bring out the best in each other. Maybe you’ve said this about another couple or people have said it about you and your spouse. It’s a great compliment, but what does it mean, really? Is it something that only comes naturally or can you work on it? Does it fade over time? How do you know if you’re still doing it? While there’s no scientific formula for what it looks like, here are eight surefire signs that you and your spouse bring out the best in each other. Read More
Do you and your partner have very different personalities? Even if you’re not complete opposites, you probably differ in at least a few ways. How do you manage your differences? One of the first steps is learning to accept them instead of trying to change each other. Once you’re able to do that, you can really begin to appreciate your differences. You might take note of how your spouse is able to chat it up with anyone, or maybe you admire how they’re not afraid of change. Once you’re in the mindset of appreciating your differences, you can go a step farther – and learn how to leverage your differences in positive ways. Here are four times personality differences work for you. Read More
Do you ever feel like you’re failing in various aspects of marriage? If so, you’re not alone. Marriage is hard. Sure, there are “best practices,” but there’s no instruction manual that lays it out step by step. So it can feel like you’re floundering – making it up as you go and unsure whether you’re getting anywhere. Are we doing this right?
We’ve got some good news for you. Sometimes things that feel like struggles or failures are actually successes in disguise. Curious about some examples? Read on. Read More
Ahh, the kids are in bed and you’ve just settled into your favorite spot on the couch for a Netflix session with your spouse. Now, what to watch? You scroll and scroll through the options, waiting for your partner to suggest something. A few things grab your interest, but you don’t say anything. What if they’re not into it? What if it’s not good? Your partner finally calls out an option. You’re not crazy about the choice, but you start it anyway. Then for the next 90 minutes you sit silently wishing you’d picked something you wanted to watch – it had to be better than this!
This is a trivial example, but it’s a microcosm of the role of assertiveness in relationships. In the realm of good communication, assertiveness is the flip side of active listening. It’s being self-aware enough to know what we want and need, and then communicating that to our partner in an honest, respectful way. It’s giving your partner a fair shot at meeting your needs and wishes while also being accountable for your own happiness and satisfaction.
For some people, assertiveness comes relatively easily. You’re confident and comfortable asking for what you want; you don’t take it personally if you don’t always get it. It doesn’t hurt to ask, right? Or, maybe you’ve even been called out for being too assertive or domineering in some situations. For others, however, being assertive is a struggle, and it’s one that can build upon itself. You don’t voice your needs, so you don’t get them. You feel a lack of agency over your situation, causing you to feel even less confident. It can be a tough cycle to break, but it’s not impossible. Here are some ways you can begin being more assertive in your relationship: Read More
Do you ever find yourself getting annoyed with your partner’s personality? Of course, you still love them unconditionally, but man, sometimes you just can’t help but wonder… Why do they do that? Why are they that way??
The ironic thing is that if you’ve been together for any length of time, the traits that start to annoy you are often the same ones that drew you to each other initially. That gregarious sense of humor now sometimes makes you grit your teeth. Those superb planning skills can feel more exhausting than efficient.
Personality traits tend to stay pretty consistent over the course of life, which means attempting to change them or waiting for them to change on their own is not the best use of anyone’s time, energy, or relationship! What’s more useful? Learning to appreciate your partner’s personality and manage your differences and similarities in positive ways. Here are some tips to do just that. Read More
Do you consider yourselves to be a quirky couple? Whether you answered yes or no, the reality is that your personalities, upbringing, experiences, and perspectives make you two very unique individuals. And that makes your relationship one-of-a-kind as well! Learning to go with the flow of the unique dynamics of your relationship instead of resisting them or feeling like there’s some mold you should fit into is part of growing as a couple.
Here are five way you can embrace your unique relationship: Read More
Self-awareness, or mindfulness, is a buzzword lately. If it evokes images of someone meditating on a mountaintop or something to that effect, you’re probably not alone. While it is, in fact, about getting in touch with your core self, it isn’t only for people who meditate on mountaintops. Self-awareness is crucial for everyone – and here’s why.
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