It’s inevitable: you and your spouse will face tough times throughout your marriage. Whether it’s just a bad day, a trying couple of weeks, or a challenging season that lasts months or years, there’s no instruction manual to tell you how to get through it in one piece. Plus, every situation – and couple – is different. That’s why we’re sharing three universal principles to guide you through the adversity you’re bound to encounter.
Flexibility
Imagine you and your spouse are faced with a family crisis. This means that one or both of may not have as much capacity for all of your usual duties at home. One of you may have to pick up the other’s slack, adjust how things get done, or they may not get done at all. The flow of your day-to-day might feel disrupted and chaotic. In times of stress, some people have a tendency to cling to structure and familiarity, but the key here is to embrace flexibility. The ability to adapt to the situation – whether that is changing up roles and responsibilities, loosening up your typical routine, or minimizing other obligations – is a crucial part of being resilient. It not only cushions your marriage against the bumps of the crisis, it helps you bounce back to a sense of normalcy after.
Teamwork
Suppose your daughter falls off the monkey bars and breaks her leg. The whole household is thrown into a whirlwind, even more so when you find out the injury might require surgery and a longer stay in the hospital. On top of the worry, you’re both overwhelmed with figuring out how to navigate the days ahead. It would be easy to take the stress out on each other. Maybe you start getting snippy and critical of how they’re handling things. Or you fall into a “scorekeeping” mentality – “If I’m doing all of this, are they contributing equally?” Instead of getting pulled into this dynamic, remind yourself that you’re on the same team. As teammates, you both have the same objectives, in this case supporting your daughter while maintaining stability for your other children. Instead of operating independently, you’ll need to work together to reach them. It’s not about tit for tat or making sure the score is even. It’s about having each other’s back and being able to lean on each other when necessary.
Gratitude
Let’s say a major storm rolls through your town leaving your house severely damaged – and uninhabitable for the next several months. You’re facing the prospect of finding a rental or other temporary housing, and options in town are limited. You’re worried about money, lengthy commutes, and the simple fact that so much about the situation is not ideal. It’s easy to let the negatives begin to cloud your perspective and drag you down, but ultimately, this just tends to make everything worse. Instead, shift to a lens of gratitude. Focus on the fact that no one was injured in the storm, and a significant portion of the expense is being covered by insurance. Maybe the damage actually uncovered a hidden mold problem in the house that you would not have found otherwise. Or you decide to make the most of the temporary close quarters, savoring the extra family togetherness and bonding during this unprecedented adventure. Gratitude helps you zoom out to see that while things might be hard right now, you have lots to be thankful for.
Life has a way of throwing you for a loop. How you and your spouse respond to those challenges can either make or break your relationship. These guiding principles will help bolster your relationship to ensure you come out stronger on the other side.
