Engagement is often touted as one of the most exciting times of your life. You’re giddy in love with your new fiancé, and you’ve just marked a momentous turning point in your relationship. You know lots of really special moments lie ahead – moments you’ll remember for the rest of your life. In the meantime, you’ve got a wedding to plan.
Little do you know that hiding on the other side of that emotional high is a potential mountain of wedding-related stress. If you’re expecting everything to be breezy and fun, this reality can ruin the whole experience – and strain your relationship, too. We’re not trying to alarm you, but we do want to you to be prepared to face these common sources of stress as you plan your wedding. While we’re at it, we’ll cover some ways to prevent them from ruining your planning experience. Let’s dive in.
1. Money
Are we paying for the whole wedding ourselves? What’s our budget? Can we afford it? Will our parents chip in? If they do, are there strings attached? The financial aspect of planning a wedding is one of the most common sources of stress for engaged couples. And for good reason: not only can weddings be ridiculously expensive, but money itself can also be a contentious topic. You might have different ideas for what you think your budget should be, and that might be tied to deeper differences in what money means to each of you. Or perhaps one or both of your parents might want to pay for part of the festivities, but does that mean you have to do things the exact way they want?
Avoid the Pitfall: The best way to mitigate money-related wedding stress is to have a discussion about it very early in the process to get on the same page. You don’t have to iron out and agree on every single financial detail right away, but getting on the same page in terms of the big picture will be a tremendous help. For example, you’ll want to talk about whether you want to pay for most of it yourselves and what type of budget you want to stick to. If either of you knows that your parents/family will want to contribute, this is a great time to bring that up. Make a point to keep checking in on the money aspect as you go along. Keep in mind that how you navigate this topic now will give you a preview of how you’ll handle it when you’re married.
2. Decisions, decisions
Have you picked a date? What about a venue? How big is the guest list? Who’s in the wedding party? Are you having a DJ or a live band? Will the dinner be plated or a buffet, and what are you serving? What are you doing for favors? What’s the color theme? What type of cake? The number of decisions – big and small – that you’ll need to make when planning your wedding could quite literally take up pages. You might feel completely overwhelmed. Take a deep breath – it’s going to be okay.
Avoid the Pitfall: First of all, remember that not every decision has to be made right away. Obviously the date and venue are the big ones to tick off first, and you’ll probably both want to be involved in that. Then make a point to sit down and have a conversation about what decisions you each care a lot about, as well as the things you’re okay deferring on. You could even start making a list to help you prioritize what decisions you need to make; base it on “months/weeks until wedding” or whatever framework makes sense to you. At the end of the day, don’t let the pressure to do all the latest wedding trends get the best of you – keep it as simple as you want, and focus on what is most important to you as a couple.
3. Family
Your aunt has some big opinions on your guest list, and your future in-laws would really like you to get married in the fall in your fiancé’s hometown church. Your own parents say you should do whatever you want, but they’re also paying for a good chunk of the reception, so there are a few “small” requests they have. They might have the best of intentions, but family members can often cause a good amount of wedding stress. Whether it’s offering their unsolicited opinion on everything or passive-aggressively pressuring you to do things a certain way, it can make you feel like you’re letting everyone down – including yourselves.
Avoid the Pitfall: This is another reason why sitting down with your fiancé to align on your priorities and desires as a couple is important. If you know what your must-haves (and must-not-haves) are, you’ll be better able to set any necessary boundaries with overstepping family members. Unfortunately, complicated family dynamics and the drama that accompanies them usually won’t end once the big day has passed. However, similar to money issues, you’ll get valuable practice in navigating them.
There’s no way around it: wedding planning can be very stressful. Luckily, with a little forethought and intention going into the process, you and your fiancé can ensure that these stressors don’t take a toll on what should be a joy-filled time in your life.
