You wake to the buzz of your alarm clock. You stub your toe trying to peek out the window, where you find rain pouring from a dark, gloomy sky. You’ve got a long to-do list for the day. Do you shift into grump-mode, already deciding the day is going to go poorly before it’s even begun? Or do you feel thankful for a break in the dry spell and ready to have a productive day despite the weather? You may not realize it, but your mindset truly does matter. And the same idea applies to premarital counseling.
Going into counseling with your head and heart tuned to the right frequency can be the difference between wasting your time on another pre-wedding task – and having a meaningful experience that sticks with you.
Checkbox Mindset vs. Growth Mindset
Many couples view premarital counseling as just another box to check leading up to the big day. They go through the motions, but their minds are elsewhere, focused on guest lists, catering menus, and other wedding planning details. When they leave each counseling session, everything they talked about is quickly forgotten – on to the next task.
Contrast this with a growth mindset, in which you go into the process with a willingness and desire to get the most out of the experience. You have an open mind and see this as an opportunity to learn and grow as a couple. This mentality is what leads to a premarital experience that makes a lasting impact, helping your marriage in the long run.
The Right Attitude
Just as your attitude can pre-determine what kind of day you have, it can also shape your expectations and perception of your counseling experience. If you’re going into it with a negative attitude and the assumption that you’ll be judged or criticized, you’re likely to be more defensive and unwilling to share authentically. You might take everything your facilitator/counselor says as a jab, or maybe you don’t take it seriously at all. Chances are you’ll also keep things at surface level instead engaging in the honest vulnerability that often leads to growth.
On the other hand, when you adopt an attitude of optimism and curiosity, you prime yourselves to truly learn and grow from the experience. You’ll be more open and honest, allowing insights to truly resonate as you reflect and process what you learn alongside your partner.
Reframe Your Thinking
If you’re having trouble getting in the right frame of mind when it comes to premarital counseling, try shifting your perspective. Instead of viewing it as one of the last big tasks to get through before your wedding, consider it one of the first steps in your marriage. You want to start your marriage off on the right foot with a strong foundation, right? Premarital counseling is your chance to do that, helping you learn and reinforce the skills that lend to a lifelong, resilient marriage. This resilience is crucial in successfully navigating the adversity you’ll encounter throughout your life together. So while premarital can seem like another hoop to jump through before your wedding, you have the choice to see it differently – and make it so much more.
At the end of the day, premarital counseling is a classic example of “you get out of it what you put in.” Can you choose to see it as just another pre-wedding checkbox? Sure. But it doesn’t have to be this way. With the right mindset, you can make it a purposeful and highly beneficial experience that sets a positive precedent for investing in your marriage.
This is a useful article to engage couples at the commencement of the process. I find that several couples treat the process lightly…as a checkbox item to report that they went through the process.
I agree 100% percent that the mindset will determine how the marriage will pan out.A positive mindset opens one to knowledge that leads to acquiring tools to deal challenges that lie ahead.Every relationship is bound to have challenges because you have two different characters that want to co-exist,but with a positive mindset one will be ready and willing to deal with challenges that may arise.With a positive mindset you are able to confront challenges with love which is a plus because then there is no room for a confrontation that leads to toxicity.
This is insightful.
Premarital counseling done with the right mindset, both on the part of the counsellor and the couple; with the couple’s honest vulnerability truly opens the couple up for real growth; and it helps the counsellor engage productively. So, premarital counseling should not be handled or attended flippantly.
Very useful reminder of how we daily pick up our strategic goals focused on a future harvest and put on the project framework for today, remembering to pray for those we interact with and for their wellbeing.