Newlywed Arguments That Are Good For Your Marriage

It’s inevitable: the honeymoon period wears off, and you have that first big argument as a married couple. If you were expecting butterflies, rainbows, and happily ever after, it can come as a bit of a surprise. Even if you had a more realistic perspective, it can throw you for a loop.

The truth is, it’s normal for new conflicts to arise once you’re married, and for existing ones to pop up again. Marriage isn’t a cure all. In many ways it can feel it adds complexity to issues and ups the stakes when it comes to resolving them. But conflict is nothing to be afraid of. In fact, working through these common points of contention as newlyweds can actually be good for your marriage in the long run.

“I thought that was your job!”

Marriage often means navigating new territory when it comes to sharing and managing a household. Who plans and cooks meals? Who does which chores? Who keeps track of appointments and social engagements? These are just a few of the questions you’ll face in your daily lives together. It’s not uncommon to assume these things will just work themselves out on their own, and sometimes they do. You’ll need to have regular conversations about what’s working, what’s not, and what makes the most sense for your relationship. You’ll learn to be open-minded and willing to make adjustments that better suit your individual skills and interests. These are great habits to establish at the start of your marriage. Plus, talking about how things were handled in your home growing up can give you insight into the assumptions you’ve carried with you into your own marriage and help you understand each other better.

“We always celebrate the holidays with your family; what about mine?”

Every family has their own holiday traditions, and every couple has to figure out how they’ll carry those into their marriage. Will you split time between families? Borrow aspects from each side to create your own hybrid version? Or will you create your own new way of celebrating? How will things change when you have kids? These questions present a great opportunities to discuss things like boundaries, family rituals and traditions, and other family-related areas of contention. Your families will likely be an important – and constant – presence in your lives, so setting a precedent early in your marriage to address these issues head on will serve you well.

“You spent how much?!”

Money always has the potential to be a touchy topic. Before you were married, you may have been able to skirt around any major conflicts, but once you’re married, the stakes rise significantly. Money decisions no longer affect just you, and that can be an adjustment. Your spouse might have some money habits that take you by surprise, or you could simply find yourselves at odds over how you want to manage your finances as a married couple. Discussing your early experiences with money and how it was handled in your families can shed light on your money values and attitudes as an adult. It can also help you gain a better understanding of each other in order to align on your financial goals and priorities.

So what makes these conflicts good for your marriage?

Exploring these topics as newlyweds sets a positive precedent for how to handle disagreements you’ll inevitably encounter throughout your life together. Since these are areas that typically need to be revisited from time to time, you’ll come to understand that it’s all fluid – you’ll need to be flexible and make adjustments as you go through different seasons of life. Not only that, but having ongoing conversations about these topics will give you a deeper understanding of the factors that influence how you both show up in your relationship.

So next time you find yourselves having one of the arguments, don’t shy away – working through it will do more for your marriage than you know!