Have You Outkicked Your Coverage?

If you’re a football fan, you’re probably excited that a new season is upon us. If you’re not, you could be anywhere from apathetic to annoyed to completely unaware. Either way, we’ll cut to the chase – this post is not really about football. But it is about a figure of speech that originates from football: outkicking your coverage. Have you heard this phrase used in the context of relationships?

If you haven’t, it’s typically used to insinuate that a person’s spouse is more attractive or desirable than they are. Alternatives are (for some reason) similarly sports-themed – out of your league or batting above your average are common ones. The truth is, it’s not usually very helpful to judge or speculate about the dynamics of others’ relationships, although sometimes it can help us reflect on our own. So let’s take that road instead.

Do you feel like you’ve outkicked your coverage? Does your spouse feel they have? We’re here to make the argument that feeling this way is a good thing. If this sounds rather superficial, hear us out. It’s not necessarily just about looks. It’s about feeling like you won the lottery with your spouse. You admire them, you’re proud of them, you think they’re smart, funny, and generally amazing – and yes, probably very good-looking, too. Whether or not one of you is actually a bigger catch than the other is irrelevant. The point is that you feel that they are, and you treat them in ways that reflect that.

When you’re basking in the engagement glow or newlywed bliss, it’s pretty typical – and easy – to feel this way. But as your marriage goes on, it’s not unusual for a more negative perspective to creep in. You not only notice their quirks and flaws, you start focusing on them more than all the positives – and that begins to erode your once gleaming perception of them. When you start seeing them in this skewed way, it affects many areas of your marriage. You’re less empathetic and more likely to assume negative intent, which in turn impacts how they see and respond to you as well. It creates a reciprocal effect that can spiral your dynamic quickly.

The truth is, while there are times you’ll spontaneously feel you’ve outkicked your coverage, other times you can make a conscious choice to see your spouse in this light. You don’t need to see them as perfect or have a completely unrealistic view of who they are. It’s not about feeling down on yourself or that you don’t measure up to them in some way. Instead, it’s about letting all of their positive qualities color the way you see them first, instead of the other way around. It’s leaning into this perspective not only in your interactions with them but also in the way you present your marriage to the rest of the world. Here are some examples of how you can both show you’ve outkicked your coverage:

• Supporting each other’s endeavors and achievements

  Instead of downplaying your spouse’s ambitions, you’re their biggest cheerleader. You support them in going after their goals and are there to lift them up when they’re struggling.
• Speaking highly about each other
  Instead of complaining about them to anyone who’ll listen, you low-key brag about them (genuinely). Whether your spouse is in the room with you or not, you talk them up the same either way.
• Always striving to learn more
  Instead of assuming you know everything about them, you are always curious to learn more. You ask them thoughtful questions and are interested in their thoughts, opinions, and what makes them tick.
• Truly listening
  Instead of only partially listening or thinking about your own response, you listen with your head and your heart to better understand your spouse perspective. You work on keeping defensiveness down, and this pays dividends.
• Avoiding complacency in your marriage
  Instead of assuming things are “good enough,” you continuously put effort into keeping your relationship strong. You understand that investing in your relationship is not just a one and done deal.

The idea of outkicking one’s coverage might seem like a superficial judgment of someone’s relationship, and that can definitely be true. But if we take a closer look, there might actually be aspects of it that you can borrow and apply in your own marriage in a positive way.