“What things do you like to do together?”
“Oh, we like hiking, volunteering at our church, watching basketball, cooking…” Some couples have a whole slew of hobbies they enjoy together. Other couples have a harder time answering this question. If you fall into this group, you might wonder, “Is there something wrong with our relationship?”
While having shared interests is a great way to strengthen your bond and nurture your friendship throughout your marriage, maintaining separate interests and your individual sense of identity can be good for your relationship, too. The key is seeking a sense of balance and being intentional about staying connected in other ways. Looking for tips to do that? Keep reading.
Establish a daily connection ritual.
If you’re running in opposite directions due to busy schedules or to pursue separate hobbies, having a consistent opportunity to connect on a daily basis provides a sense of security. Maybe you make sure to go to bed together at the same time every night, or you always savor your coffee together in the morning before anyone else wakes up. Whatever it is, find something that allows you to touch base, share about your day, or center yourselves as a couple. Make it an intentional part of your day that you prioritize.
Check in regularly.
Even if you are both generally satisfied with the time you spend together, don’t assume that this is always the case. Individual and relationship needs change, so make it a habit to check in with each other to see if either of you is craving more quality couple time. Through good communication, you can ensure you stay on the same page, which can be especially helpful as you move through different seasons of life.
Go for quality over quantity.
When it comes to your time together, balanced doesn’t always mean equal. Free yourselves from the idea that you need to match the actual amount of time you spend on separate interests to the amount of time together, and instead focus on the quality of your time together. When you’re fully present with each other, you can feel highly connected even after a short period of time. Work on figuring out and communicating about what helps you both feel most in tune with each other.
Lean into what you do have in common.
Maybe you don’t share any specific hobbies or pastimes, but chances are you have a few things in common. Capitalize on those things. If you share a sense of humor, go see a comedy show or watch your favorite comedian’s latest stand-up special. Big fans of a certain band or musician? Get tickets to go see them live. Both coffee snobs? Date your way through all the coffee shops in the city. Whatever quirky things you have in common, make it special – let it be your thing.
Be open to trying new things.
Just because you don’t currently share a lot of interests, doesn’t mean you never will. Keep an open mind when it comes to trying new things together, or even re-trying an activity that you previously weren’t interested in. You never know when you’ll find something you both love. Not only that, but trying new things together gives you a burst of feel-good endorphins, similar to those when you were first dating.
A strong marriage doesn’t require you to turn into the same person, and it’s not about logging maximum time doing shared hobbies. While some couples do thrive in that area, what matters most is being intentional about nurturing your friendship and sense of “us” – whether that’s through common interests, daily connection rituals, or prioritizing date night and other quality time opportunities. Keep communication lines open, and find a balance that works for you.
Very helpful information.i will implement in my marriage and relationship with my wife. She’s a movie buff so we attend a theater on a regular basis with popcorn and slushy drinks in hand with the best seats in the house. We also go to Our favorite hole in the wall to eat good food and drinks which I no She enjoys tremendously. I still don’t date Her enough I’m guilty of that. I must do better to stoke the flames in our Marriage.