If Valentine’s Day gives you a vague sense of dread, you’re not alone. For many couples, it feels like a contrived “holiday” in which there’s extra pressure to show love through grand gestures, expensive gifts, and over-the-top dates. All of this can make even heartfelt expressions of feel inauthentic or forced. You might wonder, “Are they doing this because they want to… or just because it’s Valentine’s Day?”
The truth is, it can be both. And if you’re someone who loves celebrating love and looks forward to February 14th every year, that’s great! There is nothing wrong with that by any means. However, if you find yourself feeling jaded, we’re here to offer some tips for creating a more meaningful Valentine’s Day experience.
Start a tradition.
Research has shown that rituals and traditions have an overwhelmingly positive effect on marriage. They foster connection, shared meaning, and a sense of stability in your bond. They act as constant relational touch points that help you stay tethered to each other and your unique identity as a couple. By establishing a Valentine’s Day tradition that you carry on year after year, you create something deeper that threads throughout your relationship, carrying more meaning as time goes by. Even if the tradition is small or even anti-Valentine’s Day, like purposely staying in and ordering takeout in your pajamas, the ritual becomes a source of connection and bonding – that you may even start to look forward each year!
Spread the love.
Sure, Valentine’s Day is about expressing love toward your spouse, but it’s also about love in general – so share that with your kids, extended family, friends, neighbors – everyone! Lean into something that you and your spouse enjoy doing together, then think about how you can get others involved. Maybe you love cooking together, so you invite friends for a dinner party. Or you enjoy a family movie night with special sweet treats. When you express love and affection to those around you, you’re also modeling this for your children as well.
Check in with intention.
There’s no rule that says Valentine’s Day has to be about doing something special. What about if you focused on having a meaningful conversation instead? Use the day as a standing opportunity for the ultimate relationship check-in. What’s going well in your marriage? What areas could use some work? What do you love most about each other, and when do you feel most loved? Jot down things you’d like to talk about beforehand, and set aside some quiet time with minimal distractions. Or leverage a resource like the Discussion Guide for Couples, which provides a casual yet structured roadmap for covering all the crucial relationship topics.
Give back together.
If you’ve done a great job prioritizing connection and quality time throughout the year, maybe you’d prefer to turn your attention outward on Valentine’s Day by volunteering or serving others. Beyond the obvious benefit of doing something good for others, it also gives you a chance to reaffirm your shared values, fill your cups through a meaningful activity, all while strengthening your bond as a couple.
Ultimately, Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be celebrated out of a sense of obligation. It doesn’t have to feel forced or fake. Instead, you can create a more meaningful experience by focusing what feels genuine and true to you and your spouse, whether it’s a no-frills tradition, insightful conversation, or helping others.
