5 Marriage Moments That Humble You

You’ve got this whole marriage thing down. You feel close and connected to your spouse, you communicate well, and handle minor conflicts in healthy, productive ways. Who says the honeymoon has to end?

But out of nowhere, something happens that knocks you down several pegs. You wonder if you really have it all figured out after all. Your confidence is shaken, and you feel vulnerable. The reality is, everyone experiences this from time to time. Let’s explore a few common marriage moments that humble you, and why it’s actually a good thing.

1. You’re blindsided by a big fight.

You’re going about your business having what seems like a normal conversation with your spouse when suddenly things veer into an escalating argument. You feel flustered and upset, and to be honest you’re not even sure how or why the fight even started in the first place. You start to mentally rehash what happened and begin questioning everything: Why did they get upset? Why did they say what they did? Did I say something wrong? Was I completely oblivious to their feelings? You wonder how you can go from feeling so close to a million miles apart so quickly.

2. You get called out unexpectedly by your spouse.

Your spouse says they need to talk to you about something, and you set aside some time after dinner. You expect it’s about plans for the upcoming week or maybe continuing an ongoing conversation about taking a big vacation this year. So imagine your surprise when your spouse presents you with some very honest feedback about feeling unsupported and unseen by you lately. You’re completely caught off-guard. You thought everything was great! How did you miss this?

3. You let emotions get the best of you.

You consider yourself pretty emotionally mature and feel you have a good understanding of your hot spots and insecurities. You’re generally able to react with intention instead of letting emotions rule – but not always. Every now and then something triggers you, and you respond in an emotionally reactive way you’re not proud of.

4. You’re sure you’re right.

You and your spouse have a fight. You’ve stepped way from the verbal sparring, and now you’re both stewing separately. You replay the argument in your head, gauging whether you’re at fault. You come to what you believe to be an objective conclusion – you’re right, and your spouse is wrong. You’re confident they’ll agree once you present your logical case, but you’re flummoxed when they don’t. Your spouse says you’re missing the whole point, and that leaves you more confused than ever.

5. Your spouse gives you grace.

You had a crappy day and basically make up your mind that you want to be in a bad mood. You get home and take it out on your spouse. You know you’re being snippy and critical, and they don’t deserve it. You almost expect them to respond similarly, but they show you even more love instead, asking if you’re okay and what they can do to make your day better. They show you love and empathy when you’re at you’re worst, and that makes you feel even worse about how you treated them.

When these things happen, it might feel like you’re the worst spouse ever. While that is likely untrue, these humbling moments have a way of jolting you out of any sense of complacency that may have been settling in. Since complacency is often a silent and sneaky relationship saboteur, these situations are actually opportunities to grow, both individually and as a couple. It can be uncomfortable and hard. It might feel like you’re struggling as a couple. But these growing pains ultimately reignite the effort and intention you put into making your marriage the best it can be.