Why Real Marriage Is Better Than a Fairytale

“…and they lived happily ever after.”
We’ve all heard these feel-good words, whether we remember them from our childhood or read them to our own children every night. As adults, we chuckle, knowing they’re no more realistic than the talking animals and magic spells that fill the storybook pages before them. Despite knowing this logically, there might be a part of us that thinks, “But wouldn’t happily ever after be nice?”

Well, sure, maybe if you’re a two dimensional character in a fairytale. But for complex people in real life marriages, happily ever after is overrated. Here’s why:

Realistic expectations make you happier in your relationship.

So many relationship conflicts can be traced back to unmet expectations. One of the main reasons expectations are not met is that they’re simply not realistic. Going into marriage thinking it’s going to be happily ever after is setting yourself up for a very rude awakening. Even the healthiest of relationships have conflict, ongoing areas of contention, and go through rough patches. Yes, you’ll get annoyed with each other, experience frustration, and probably some disappointment, too. That’s totally normal. Adjusting your expectations to encompass this reality means you won’t be so discouraged when you hit these road bumps.

There’s more room to grow.

There’s something very constricting, even paralyzing, about trying to measure up to the ideal of perfection. Holding yourself, your spouse, or your marriage to this unrealistically high bar means there’s very little room to learn and grow, both personally and as a couple. Being able to say, “We’re going to make mistakes, and we’re going to have challenges – and that’s okay,” gives you both the space to stretch beyond your comfort zone to grow as individuals and in your relationship.

Navigating adversity together builds resilience.

Life isn’t always smooth sailing. As a couple, you’ll face a lot together – the ups and downs of big life changes, times of grief or hardship, and seasons that feel chaotic, stressful, and hard. There may be periods of time where you don’t feel as connected as you once did. But all of these things are what create a rich, dynamic life together. As you and your spouse learn to flex and bounce back from these challenges, you’ll build relationship resilience, setting you up to be even stronger.

Most fairytales end as the couple rides off into the sunset, but we know that in real life, that’s just the beginning. Sure, real marriage is a lot messier and harder than the idea of happily ever after, but it’s also so much more fulfilling.

Want to further explore the impact that expectations have on your relationship?

Check out our Discussion Guide for Couples, which has an entire section devoted to expectations, in addition to 13 other crucial topics. Discussion prompts guiding meaningful conversation alongside practical next steps make this guide the perfect companion to your next date night. Learn more >>