The Best Time to Work on Your Relationship

Ahh, marriage. What a dream! You and your spouse both feel that your relationship is stronger than ever. Time to sit back, put your feet up, and coast, right? Well, not quite.

Don’t get us wrong. You deserve to relish and enjoy every bit of the joy a happy marriage can bring. However, we don’t recommend adopting the mindset that there’s no room for improvement. In fact, we’d make the argument that the best time to work on your relationship is when things are going great.

If that seems counterintuitive, here are 5 reasons why it makes perfect sense.

1. You’re primed for growth.

Growing together doesn’t always come easy. Often, it can be uncomfortable and feel like a struggle. It requires both of you to be vulnerable and self-aware, not letting defensiveness get the best of you. So when you and your spouse are communicating well, feel emotionally safe and secure, and are confident in your relationship, you’re in an optimal position to take those challenging steps toward true growth, both individually and as a couple.

2. You have a more well-rounded view of your relationship.

When you’re experiencing conflict or problems in your marriage, it’s common to have a skewed perspective of it overall. You might focus more on the negatives – the things that cause frustration or anger, your spouse’s traits and habits that irk you the most, the areas where you both seem to be falling short. This can make it feel like you’re starting out in a hole that you need to dig yourselves out of, and that can be discouraging. When things are clicking along smoothly, you’re better able to see things as they are – sure you’ve got areas that could be better, but you also have a lot to take pride in.

3. You can nip problems in the bud.

When you’re proactive about working on your relationship, you can prevent small issues from festering and turning into bigger problems. It’s no surprise that sweeping problems under the rug usually leads to bubbling resentment and conflict down the road. That’s why addressing them head-on right away, when you’re both in a positive and non-defensive state of mind is the perfect time.

4. You can initiate healthy relationship patterns.

Unhealthy relationship patterns – similar to any bad habits – can be tough to break. On the flip side, creating positive patterns and habits within your marriage is something that has both long and short-term benefits. When things are going well, establishing them can feel much easier than when you’re going through a rough patch. Not only that, but instilling these patterns in your marriage when things are going well can ensure you come out of tougher seasons even stronger.

5. You can solidify your commitment.

Being willing to work on your relationship, even when it seems like there’s not a lot to work on, shows that you’re committed to your marriage and making it the best it can be. Investing effort into your relationship, whether you’ve been married for 5, 15, or 50 years, is crucial over time.

While “working on your relationship” can often have negative connotations, it’s actually a good thing. Instead of waiting for things to fall apart or to have a pressing reason to work on things, your marriage should be an ongoing work in progress. Being proactive means working on it even when things are going great. If you’re looking for a way to kickstart this process and see specifically which areas in your relationship you can build on or strengthen, consider taking Prepare/Enrich. (Find a Facilitator here.)Even if you took it a few years ago, it can provide you with valuable insight into how you’ve grown and how you can keep your marriage strong.