Premarital Milestones to Appreciate Even After You’re Married

Marriage often seems to mark the start of your lives together. And yet, you had a life together before you were married, too. The milestones you went through when you were dating or engaged can lose a bit of their color with the passage of time and the start of a shiny new chapter of life. However, they are just as important to your story because they got you to where you are now. Here are the premarital milestones to appreciate even after you’re married.

1. Traveling together

They say you don’t truly know someone until you’ve traveled with them. Whether it was the new places and experiences, unexpected hiccups, or being around each other 24/7, you probably saw sides of each other that hadn’t surfaced before – both good and bad. Maybe you got testy with each other after a long day of delayed flights or showed your teamwork potential navigating your way through a foreign city. Perhaps you learned surprising new things about each other or had some of the best conversations during those endless stretches of driving. Your first trip together made you excited to travel together again.

2. Talking about marriage

You might be thinking that getting engaged is missing from this list, and while that’s a pretty huge premarital milestone, we think the more under-appreciated version of that is when the topic of marriage first comes up. Whether it was mutual or one of you broached the subject first, it’s a big step when you realize “it’s serious.” When you think about the future, it’s no longer just whether you’ll go to that party next month, it’s where you’ll live next year or five years from now. Your life choices become intertwined in a new way as you begin to consider a life together and what that might look like.

3. Meeting each other’s family

This one can be nerve-racking for everyone. You both want to make a good impression on each other’s family and vice versa. If you’ve already talked about marriage, then the fact that you’re meeting your future in-laws is a pretty big deal! Did you see a different side of your partner when they’re around their family? Did you make an awkward or embarrassing comment that still makes you cringe? Whatever your story, this first meeting is the start of new relationships and dynamics that will continue to evolve, just like your relationship with each other.

4. Getting through a big fight

All couples have conflict, but every now and then there’s a fight that feels bigger than the rest. Maybe you felt scared your relationship would end. Perhaps things felt different afterward, but in a good way. Coming through that first big fight together and feeling closer as a result probably required you both to let down your defenses and be vulnerable. It might have weighed heavily on you emotionally, and likely wasn’t fun when it was happening. But it’s a necessary growing pain that most couples will go through, and it provides the starting point for how you’ll handle conflict down the road.

5. Going through premarital counseling

Was it required by your pastor? Did your family or friends recommend it? Were you excited, nervous, or even dreading it? However you got there, going through premarital counseling was an investment into your marriage. The experience may have opened you up to the idea that relationship counseling isn’t just for when issues have reached a boiling point, but instead is a way to proactively grow as a couple. At the very least, you hopefully solidified a strong foundation of relationship skills that will continue to serve you throughout your relationship.

Once you’re married, it’s easy to look back at your premarital relationship as simply a precursor to a more “official” chapter of your life together. In fact, that time is full of milestones that are not only important to who you are as a couple today, but in hindsight, can give you perspective on how you’ve grown together in your marriage.