Cultivating a Mindset of Gratitude

Ah, gratitude. It’s a common word these days, especially at this time of year – and for good reason. Gratitude is associated with some pretty powerful effects, such as lower stress, higher resilience, and greater happiness overall. Research has found that these benefits extend to marriage as well, fostering positive feelings and stronger connection between spouses. Who wouldn’t want that?

Of course, actually feeling gratitude within you is a very important part of the equation, as opposed to just going through the motions of expressing it. But let’s be real – sometimes you’re just not feeling it. Have you experienced this disconnect? If so, we’ve got some tips to help you cultivate a mindset of gratitude in your daily life and marriage.

Start noticing the little things.

A beautiful sunset. The kids laughing in the next room. How your spouse always brews the coffee and sets your favorite mug next to the pot. These are all seemingly ordinary, every day things that you normally might not pay much attention to. Consider what your life might be like without these things or what it would feel like to experience them after being deprived. Practice being fully present in these moments. When you’re more mindful of the things that you tend to take for granted, whether in your marriage or other areas of your life, you begin to develop a sense of muscle memory in appreciating them.

Lean into gratitude during difficult times.

When you’re going through a rough time, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the negative. You start focusing on what’s gone wrong, losing sight of the bigger picture. Learning to look through the lens of gratitude helps you gain a fuller perspective. This doesn’t mean you have to ignore or minimize negative emotions. You can experience and acknowledge those feelings and feel grateful. You have a choice in where you invest your emotional energy. Be intentional about investing in the things that inspire gratitude.

Take time for daily reflection.

You might already set aside time each day for prayer or meditation. If reflecting on what you’re grateful for isn’t already part of that habit, it’s an easy addition to make. Consider journaling or jotting down your thoughts. It’s not only convenient to look back on when you need a boost, but also makes it easier to share with your spouse. That’s right – share your gratitude lists with each other! (More on this in the next tip.) This is a great way to build emotional intimacy and strengthen your connection. Plus, it helps you both focus on and internalize what you’re grateful for, lending to a mindset of gratitude that becomes second nature.

Put your heart into expressing it.

You probably thank your spouse throughout the day without even thinking about it. It’s basic manners, after all. But how often to do you take the time to really thank them? We’re talking eye contact, full attention, heartfelt moment to really let them know how thankful you are for them. It could be for something specific they’ve done recently or a general appreciation for who they are. You might incorporate it into a daily check in, or you could catch them by surprise when they least expect it. The idea here is that outwardly expressing the gratitude you feel takes it “full circle.” It kicks off a reciprocal effect in your relationship that helps you both feel happier and more grateful.

When you think about being grateful, you probably don’t associate it with a skill that you need to practice or a muscle you need to strengthen. However, in order for gratitude to really be ingrained in the way you think, live, and relate to your spouse, it needs to be more than just saying “thanks” on autopilot. Cultivating a mindset of gratitude doesn’t just happen overnight, but its positive effects are worth the extra effort and intention.