Does it ever feel like you and your spouse are operating from different playbooks? Do you feel like you need to call a time-out so you can get on the same page? When you’re stressed out about the budget, but your spouse is focused solely on meal planning for the week, how do you move forward productively as a team?
We’ve long touted the benefits of a regular relationship check-in. After all, a strong marriage is the foundation and heart of your family. But we also recognize that a lot more goes into keeping a household running smoothly, and when you’re not aligned on those other things, it affects your relationship, too. That’s where a regular marriage meeting comes in. While a typical relationship check-in is all about – you guessed it – your relationship, a marriage meeting can be a more all-encompassing chance to get aligned on the other things that make up your daily life together. Here are some tips to creating a marriage meeting that works.
1. Pencil it in and make it a priority.
The first step to creating a successful marriage meeting is making it a regular and consistent thing, otherwise there’s a good chance it’ll simply get pushed to the back burner and not happen. So set a cadence, whether it’s weekly, biweekly, or monthly. Consider what makes the most sense for your lives that moment, and remember you can adjust the schedule if you need to. Prioritize it in the same way you do with the kids’ activities or appointments. Create a calendar invite with the expectation that you’ll both be there – physically and mentally!
2. Set the stage for success.
If you want the meeting to be productive, plan ahead for what you’ll talk about and set a general structure. This doesn’t mean it has to be uptight or follow a strict agenda. Instead it allows you to make the most of your time. For example, if you’re meeting on a weekly basis, you might devote each week to a particular topic – maybe the budget one week, meal planning the next, followed up by aligning on the family calendar – including date nights! Or if you’re only meeting every other week or monthly, you might cover multiple topics – jot them down if you need to. This bit of planning ahead can help prevent your discussion from going off the rails and ensures you cover what you wanted to.
3. Practice good communication.
Even though you might not be sharing deep feelings or working through relationship issues, good communication skills are still imperative! Actively listen to understand each other, and hear each other out even if you disagree. After all, if you’re not truly listening and fully engaged during this time, it sort of defeats the purpose of the meeting. On the flip side, make sure you’re being assertive, too. Give each other space to voice needs and opinions freely.
4. Take notes outside the meeting.
Throughout the week, you’ll likely have thoughts, ideas, and topics come to mind that would be good to discuss in the next meeting. Create a shared space where you can both put those things – maybe a whiteboard in the kitchen or a shared note in your phones. Not only does this help keep your mental space uncluttered, but it also allows you to think about things ahead of time, and essentially hit the ground running when the meeting starts.
5. Add some fun.
Sure, the stuff you’re aligning on maybe isn’t all that exciting (although some people really do love budgets and meal planning). Take the liberty of adding some fun and silliness. You could end each meeting by sharing the funniest meme you saw that week, or unveil that weekend’s movie pick. Give yourselves permission to gush over the kids or watch that cute video of them again.
Does having a regular marriage meeting mean you don’t have to put effort into communicating outside of it? Of course not. But what it does offer is a standing, designated time to get aligned on the many aspects of your daily lives. There’s a lot to manage when it comes to a keeping your household running smoothly. Taking this proactive approach means you can devote less energy to uncrossing wires, and more to the things you actually want to be doing.
