5 Ways You Fight for Your Marriage

A heroic duel to defend your true love… An epic battle to prove you’re meant to be together, against all odds… These scenarios might sound like the ultimate way to fight for each other, but we typically don’t see too many sword fights in honor of love these days. So is it even necessary to fight for each other on any given day? We have to admit, it does sound a bit dramatic. But the truth is, fighting for your marriage means caring enough – and doing what it takes – to make it last a lifetime. And with that in mind, there are ways to fight for your marriage every day – they just don’t look how you’d expect. Here are a few:

1. Not avoiding conflict

The easy thing to do when you and your spouse have an unresolved or persistent issue is just walk away from it – literally or figuratively. It might feel better momentarily, but ultimately this creates distance and resentment between you. Not only is the issue unlikely to resolve itself, but it will also be even harder to deal with down the road when you’re already feeling disconnected over it. Make the choice to fight through the discomfort and address the issue at hand. In addition to feeling more connected, you’ll also kick off a positive cycle of assertiveness, helping you both feel more self-confident and accepted, even when you’re sharing difficult emotions.

2. Bringing out the best in your spouse

When you bring out the best in your partner, you see the best in them, recognize their potential, and inspire them to reach it. You believe in them even when they might not believe in themselves. You might wonder how this translates to fighting for your marriage. Well, once you’ve been married for a while, it’s easy to start focusing on each other’s negatives. You start settling into a critical perspective of each other, and that will taint the dynamic of your relationship. Bringing out the best in each other means fighting through those tendencies and choosing to lift each other up for the benefit of your marriage.

3. Striving to be a better spouse

The other side of bringing out the best in each other is embracing growth and evolution as an individual. When you work on your self-awareness and learn more about your own needs, triggers, and tendencies, you’re able to bring that knowledge to the table in your marriage. This gives you the best foundation for working through conflict productively and continuing to strengthen that skill over time, ultimately increasing your resilience and ability to face challenges as a couple. Long story short, when you both do your individual work, your marriage reaps the benefits.

4. Being teammates

There are many times in marriage when it can feel like it’s you against your spouse – whether it’s an argument, not being aligned on parenting or household management, or falling victim to poor communication. When you start to buy into the “you versus them” mindset, this dynamic bleeds into every area of your relationship. Don’t let this mentality win out. Instead, fight for your marriage by remembering that you’re a team. Being teammates means you have each other’s backs as you work toward the same objective. Keep this perspective – especially during those tough moments, days, and seasons.

5. Living out your commitment

Commitment can be present without a formal ceremony or vows, and it can be absent even with those things. The game-changer is how you live out your commitment to each other – the actions and attitudes that reinforce the verbal expressions. It’s making the choice to treat each other with love and respect, even when one or both of you are not at your best. It’s prioritizing each other and investing in your future. It’s building and cherishing the trust between you by following through on the big and little things. Saying “I do” is one thing, but your actions are what make commitment a sustaining force in your marriage.

At the end of the day, fighting for your marriage doesn’t always have to be as dramatic as it sounds. It doesn’t have to be about grand gestures or beating the odds. It’s about consistently making choices – both big and small – to invest in your marriage for the long haul, even when it’s not the easiest route or quickest fix.