5 Habits to Hold Onto Throughout Your Marriage

Brushing your teeth. Staying active. Paying your bills on time. These are small habits that can potentially have a big impact on your wellbeing. If you forget to do them once or twice, it’s probably not the end of the world. But stop doing them altogether, and the results could be less than ideal.

There are similarly small habits that, over time, can greatly affect the vitality of your marriage. You might start out doing them faithfully, then gradually, they become more and more sporadic, until you no longer do them at all. While their absence doesn’t necessarily signal that you no longer love each other, their presence enriches your relationship with a consistent connection and respect that stands the test of time. These are the small habits to hold onto throughout your marriage.

1. Using basic manners

If you have kids, you probably try to teach them good manners – please, thank you, you’re welcome, etc. You probably use them regularly in your daily life, thanking the person working at the store, holding the door for the person behind you. Do you still make sure to give your spouse the same regard? The reality is we can get a little lazy around the person we’re with the most. You forget to thank them when they bring your coffee from the other room where you left it. You don’t think much of it; you can thank them next time. Before long, the exception becomes the norm. You can avoid this by being intentional about using basic manners with your spouse. It might seem rote or insignificant, but it’s a simple way to show each other respect and gratitude throughout our interactions.

2. Showing physical affection

It’s true that some couples and individuals are naturally more physically affectionate than others. Even the most touchy-feely couples go through seasons when the PDA isn’t as prevalent. But when life gets crazy and it feels like you barely have time to have a conversation, physical touch is a way to maintain a sense of connection. It doesn’t have to be over-the-top displays (unless that’s your thing, of course), but simply incorporating touch in small ways throughout your day. This might be a hug or kiss to greet each other or as you part ways, holding hands across the table as you linger after dinner, or sidling up next to each other on the couch instead of at opposite ends.

3. Asking each other on a date

Remember the excitement you felt early in your relationship when your partner asked you one a date? Somewhere along the way, the feel-good spontaneity seems to get replaced with a more logistical approach. It becomes more about fitting it into your busy schedules than showing you want to spend time with them. We get it – the planning is often necessary, but you can have the best of both worlds by intentionally asking your partner on a date. Then you can proceed with figuring out the logistical details.

4. Being thoughtful

You’re probably thinking, “That’s rather vague.” And you’re right, it is! That’s because being thoughtful can look different for all couples. Maybe it’s always asking, “Can I get you anything?” when you’re headed to the kitchen. Perhaps it’s sending funny texts when you know they’ve got a stressful day ahead, or adding their favorite treat to your grocery list. By coming up with your own unique ways of being habitually thoughtful and kind toward one another, small acts become meaningful ways to show your love.

5. Sharing the details of your day

“How was your day?” “Fine. Yours?” “Good.” It would be easy to leave it at that. After all, most days there’s nothing extraordinary to report on, right? But sharing the seemingly mundane details of our days with each other is one way to stay connected. You form inside jokes and points of reference, making it easier to share subsequent stories and happenings. Conversely, when you stop sharing the little things, it becomes easier to omit more and more. Have you ever lost touch with a friend, only to find that when you try to catch up, you’re so out of touch with each other’s lives that you don’t even know where to start? A similar thing can happen with your spouse. Avoid this path by not assuming things are too “boring” to share with each other.

If you already do these things, you might not even think twice about it. If you’ve fallen out of practicing some or all of them, it was probably gradual, and didn’t happen overnight That’s why being intentional about maintaining them, so that they don’t fade away without you noticing, is so very important. Although they are small habits, their presence has a big impact on your connection to each other over time.