4 Ways to Prioritize Your Marriage During the Holidays

During this festive time of year, there’s a lot of emphasis on spending time with others – extended family, friends, neighbors, etc. It might feel strange to put your spouse first – but it shouldn’t! Your marriage deserves to be prioritized year-round. Wondering how you can keep it top-of-mind with so much going on? We’ve got some tips to share.

1. Incorporate your own holiday traditions.

Start a new holiday tradition as a couple or incorporate your existing relationship rituals into your celebrations. If you’re newly married, it can be a process to figure out what your holidays will look like. You both probably grew up with different traditions and ways of celebrating. Combining those – or creating new ones altogether – is a great way to embrace your own identity as a couple. Sure, you might adopt some of the traditions of one or both of your families, but don’t be afraid to try new things or add your own unique spin to them.

2. Set boundaries on outside commitments.

This time of year usually brings more social opportunities and commitments than usual. Work holiday parties, neighborhood gatherings, school events, family get-togethers, celebrations with various groups of friends, the list goes on. It wouldn’t be hard to pack your calendar to the max. But before you RSVP with a “yes” to all of them, consider whether you’ll have anything left in the tank for each other, or if all the festivities will leave you feeling burnt out. Be comfortable saying no to some things, especially if they require you to deprioritize your spouse or leave you with little energy to invest in each other.

3. Enjoy holiday gatherings together.

At holiday get-togethers, it’s not uncommon to split up upon arrival and not really see each other again until it’s time to leave. Sometimes it’s just unavoidable. Maybe Uncle Bob immediately whisks you off to check out his new snowblower while your spouse is sucked into the board games going on in the family room. Or one of you is chasing after the children while the other has meal prep to manage. While it’s definitely not necessary to be glued to each other’s side the entire time, try to make it a point to connect in some way whenever you get a chance. It could be checking in to see if your spouse needs a refill on their drink or even a loving look from across the room. While these gatherings are often a chance to spend time with people you might not see that often, you should get to have a good time with each other, too.


4. Put each other first.

The holidays often bring lots of expectations and obligations from extended family members. Complicated family dynamics can sometimes put us in tough positions, testing boundaries and relationships. It’s easy to get caught up in pleasing others, but focusing solely on that can mean your marriage gets left in the cold. This is particularly true if you and your spouse are at odds over the issue in the first place. Remember that at the end of the day, your relationship with your spouse should be your top priority. While we’re not advising that you completely disregard everyone else’s feelings, it’s a good idea to check in with each other and be mindful of whether you’re giving one another the appropriate amount of consideration.

With the holidays comes a level of hectic-ness that we really don’t see at any other time of year. You probably can’t escape all of the season’s hustle and bustle (you may even enjoy it). By remembering to prioritize each other and your relationship you can make sure that your marriage doesn’t suffer because of it. In fact, nurturing your connection might be just what you both need to decompress and come out of the holidays energized and refreshed.