Are you getting ready to spend some time away from your spouse? Maybe it’s just for a few days – a work trip or family obligation. Perhaps it’s a longer-term situation, such as a military deployment, job, or educational opportunity. Whatever the case, it’s natural to feel a bit nervous. Will it be hard on your relationship? Will you drift apart? Will you miss each other terribly? Realistically, all of these might be true. But you can take steps to prepare yourselves – and your marriage – to navigate this time apart successfully. Here’s how.
1. Make a plan to connect regularly.
When you’re doing the long-distance thing, you have to be that much more intentional about making time to connect. Sure, you can plan for when you’ll see each other in person again, but in the meantime, you need to stay connected emotionally. This will look different depending on your situation, but going into it with a plan in place will make it easier to actually carry it out. If you will only be separated for a few days – maybe for a work trip or a weekend away with friends – you might check in at some point each day via phone call or FaceTime. If you’ll be apart for a longer duration, say a few weeks or even months – talking every day might not be realistic. You might text each other frequently but talk or FaceTime once or twice a week. It helps to have an agreed upon specific time, if possible. You’re both likely busy, and this helps prevent one or both of you from forgetting and avoids hurt feelings, resentment, or misunderstanding if one of you misses the other’s call. Staying connected through intentional communication, especially during longer periods apart, is going to be crucial to keeping your marriage strong.
2.Get your ducks in a row on logistics.
Typically, there is a practical aspect to consider when one of you is going to be gone. If you have children, for instance, will the partner at home need to call in reinforcements? Does that partner know what they need to do when it comes to the kids’ schedules? Are there other responsibilities that need to be covered at home? For the spouse who’ll be away, will they need a ride to or from the airport? Have they shared their travel itinerary so you both know what’s going on and when? Will either of you need to take on things you’re not used to doing? You won’t be able to anticipate everything that might come up, but getting on the same page ahead of time instead of scrambling last minute will put both of you at ease and give you confidence in handling the time apart.
3. Prepare yourselves mentally.
If you’re not used to being apart, if it’s the first time, or if it’s a longer period than you’ve experienced before, consider taking time beforehand to prepare yourselves mentally and emotionally – both together and individually. This might involve sitting down and having a heart to heart over hesitations or worries about your time apart. You might share your anticipated struggles, give each other encouragement, and discuss how you can best support each other during this time. On an individual level, you might be adjusting your expectations for taking on more responsibilities around the house, or emotionally steeling yourself for time away from your family. While these steps might seem like overkill for just a weekend apart, this mental preparation can help set you up for success during longer periods apart. Eventually you might find yourselves adopting an abbreviated version of this or going through the mental checklist without even realizing it.
4. See the positives.
Sure, it can be hard being apart. You might even dread it. But there are positive aspects to it as well! For example, spending time apart can give you a chance to pursue or rediscover your own interests and hobbies. You can indulge in the things your spouse typically doesn’t enjoy, whether it’s a TV show, type of food, or the thermostat setting. It might feel strange enjoying your time apart, but remember – you can miss your spouse and make the most of the time as well. It doesn’t have to be one or the other!
Throughout your marriage, you’ll inevitably spend some time apart. While the circumstances can vary greatly, physical distance doesn’t have to have a negative effect on your relationship. Preparing yourselves in different ways is a proactive way to maintain your sense of connection.
I have the opportunity to join my family on their week long vacation in April. However, my husband is unable to make it. At first I thought I’d be ok, but just this past week I decided that I cannot go due to the distance (how far away I’ll be from him) and separation anxiety. I have dealt with separation anxiety in the past, and it has been getting better, but the recent plane crashes I keep hearing about have caused me to jump right back in to that separation anxiety. I’ve been praying to God about it, but with a mind closed- that no, I will not change my mind and I will no longer go without my husband. But then I received this article in my email and it just felt like a little nudge from God. I’m still not sure if I’ll go or not, but as I found myself reading through this I was trying to mentally prepare for what it’d look like if I went on that trip.
With all of that, thank you for sharing this. I definitely have some things to think about and pray through.
Hi Nicole! Thanks for sharing your heart on here and being so transparent! I know it’s not easy to be away from loved ones for a period of time. I also know that the enemy will use anxiety as a way to prevent us from doing things that may be very life giving. I know that traveling can be daunting especially with the news of many recent plane crashes, but traveling with your family may be a really great opportunity to connect with them. If you have the ability to go with them now, I would really encourage you to consider going. I hope you continue to pray and seek counsel from your husband and close friends about this decision. Remember that God’s ways are much greater than our own and He surely knows best! Keep turning to Him and trust Him as you surrender this! Praying you may receive His counsel and peace during this time!