If there was one thing you could add to your life that was proven to boost your marriage satisfaction and overall happiness, would you do it? Count us in!
Well, the good news is this magic ingredient does actually exist – it’s gratitude. A wealth of research has been done on the topic showing that gratitude has a positive effect on social, emotional, psychological, and physical wellbeing. It makes sense then, that this carries over into marriage and relationships as well. Want to know how gratitude can help you be a better spouse? Keep reading.
1. It prevents you from taking each other for granted.
We never know what tomorrow, or next week, or next year will bring. It’s not a given that you or your spouse will be there every day into the future, or what adversity you might face together. Whether you’re going through a tough marriage season or are frustrated with your spouse’s personality quirks, gratitude helps you focus on all the good they bring to your life and how you can best cherish each other every day. Knowing life can change in the blink of an eye makes us less likely to want to spend time fighting about trivial things.
2. It helps you keep things in perspective.
In situations in where annoyance or anger would be the easy response, a lens of gratitude gives you the perspective shift you need to see the full context of the situation. It helps you zoom out to see the whole picture, instead of zeroing in just the negatives. For example, if your spouse has a habit of going over the top with holiday decorations, you might shift your perspective to see their good intentions of wanting to give your family happy memories and a sense of tradition. Or if you’re having a hard time adjusting to their new work schedule, you might try thinking through the positive things it’s going to bring to your family. Keep in mind, this doesn’t mean you have to ignore or minimize negative emotions. You can experience and acknowledge those feelings and still feel grateful.
3. It boosts your satisfaction.
Various studies in recent years have found that when partners feel more gratitude toward each other, they also feel more satisfied in their relationship. If you’re feeling more satisfied, you’re going to be less likely to nitpick at your spouse for the little things or let anger or bitterness bubble over the top. If you do have an issue, you’ll be better able to address it in an empathetic way and be more receptive to feedback from each other. All of this sends positive ripples throughout your relationship and transforms the way you and your spouse handle conflict.
4. It counteracts resentment.
Regularly expressing gratitude to each other can temper the little annoyances and resentments that have a way of building up over time. Making an effort to thank each other for the specific things (“Hey, thanks for taking care of the grocery shopping this week, that really helped me out.”) or the more general (“Thanks for being so supportive lately, I’m lucky to have you in my life.”) can help you both let go of resentment that tends to take root when you don’t show each other appreciation regularly. When you’re free of resentment, you’re more likely to interact with each other in a warm, loving way. While this seems rather basic, a consistently cold or snippy tone or lack of affection can erode your connection over time.
Gratitude has an overwhelmingly positive effect on many areas of life, including your marriage. While it’s not always easy to focus on gratitude in the midst of anger, stress, or adversity, if it can help you be a better spouse to each other, it’s worth the conscious effort.
Love this! Anyone have any suggestions for making gratitude for each other part of our daily routine?
Lots of good advice in the 5 Love Languages book/series.
Start with a thank you for something simple. It feels weird at first (and maybe even a little suspicious or facetious), but it gets easier. “Thank you for taking out the trash.” “Thank you for getting the kids ready for school.” “Thank you for that good sex last night.”
Do something thoughtful for your spouse while the opportunity is present.
Yes, my husband and I do “affirmations” to each other before bed. Maybe 2-5 minutes each on things we appreciated the other doing that day. It has changed our marriage!
Great tips, I’ll be adding this to the daily compliments worksheet for the couples I counsel, as well as putting them into practice in my own marriage!
Last year I wrote a diary of gratitude: every day at the end of the day I shortly wrote down 3 things I was grateful for. A good idea for people who tend to take things for granted. But also for those who need a shift in perspective.
Actually putting these things into play now.
It’s Working! Just simple things can change a whole dynamic.
I know this is written for partners and spouses, but during my reading It came to me that I can put this in place with all relationships. Specifically, I have a granddaughter who’s struggling in her third year of college. I wonder how it would affect her if I send her my thoughts of gratitude for all the hugs she’s given me and for giving me her time when she could be doing many other things. I am going to thank my closest friends for their support through our 50 plus years of friendship.
November is gratitude month. I’m going to use this time as the beginning of turning it into a spiritual practice.
hello! thank you for this article! it seems to me that it is very important not to forget how important it is to appreciate your partner. After all, if you have a good relationship, you respect, love and appreciate each other, then the relationship will last a long time – is it not wonderful. I also think it’s important to listen to your partner and respect his opinion, as well as praise him – after all, we all love being praised, don’t we? 🙂 you should always keep in mind what you are grateful to your partner for and tell him about it, because he is your PARTNER – you walk together along the same path hand in hand