When you think of prioritizing your marriage, what comes to mind? Raise your hand if date nights and quality time is your gut response. Don’t get us wrong; it’s a great answer. Continuing to date each other and devoting intentional time to connect is crucial to nurturing intimacy and friendship. However, this isn’t the only way. There are other – often underrated – ways to prioritize your marriage every day.
1. Set boundaries.
Boundaries protect your marriage from external factors that have the potential to disrupt or damage the equilibrium of your relationship. You might set boundaries on how much time you devote to things or people outside your relationship to ensure your don’t become disconnected and drift apart. Similarly you might create boundaries that help you manage the amount of physical, mental, or emotional energy you expend to ensure you have enough left in the tank for your spouse and relationship. Or you may establish boundaries that protect the privacy of your relationship by agreeing upon what’s okay to share with others and what should stay between the two of you. While boundaries are not always absolute, they provide a baseline that helps you put your marriage first – or return to it if things have gotten out of balance.
2. Consult with each other.
When you’re married, the way you make decisions changes. Suddenly you have your spouse – and your marriage – to consider. Choices that used to only affect you now have a direct or indirect impact on your marriage as well. While trivial decisions don’t necessarily require checking in, bigger decisions or ones that have affect your life together definitely do. Consulting with each other first is a great way to show consideration for your partner, allowing you to hear their input and perspective. If it differs from how you see the situation, you have the chance to get aligned in a way that puts your marriage first.
3. Address issues head on.
It’s not always easy dealing with conflict in marriage. It can be uncomfortable, awkward, and just plain hard. After all, it often requires you to let your guard down and take responsibility for your triggers, feelings, actions, some of which you might not feel great about. The more comfortable choice is to avoid facing the problem. Of course, your relationship will eventually experience the negative effects of sweeping issues under the rug. Not to mention the fact that working through conflict in a healthy way often leads to feeling more connected as a couple. That’s why addressing conflicts in a timely manner is essentially putting your marriage first.
4. Remember that you’re a team.
It seems simple enough, but in the midst of a disagreement or conflict, it’s easy to feel like it’s you against your spouse. Unfortunately, if you let this feeling lead you, you might end up making choices or acting in ways that are not putting your marriage first. On the other hand, leaning into a team mentality helps you approach problems in a more collaborative way. You’ll be more open to your partner’s perspective and in a mindset to compromise, which means you’re much more likely to reach a resolution you’re both happy with.
Prioritizing your marriage might seem like something you always have to strive for, and in some ways that’s true. Putting in the effort and keeping it top of mind are key to avoiding complacency. However, it’s also possible to weave the mindset throughout your relationship by remembering to do these simple things. They may seem pretty basic, but their positive impact on your marriage can be huge.
The relevance of this article is so crucial to any relationship especially in today’s world with so many distractions constantly calling for our attention. From family members issues, to that sitcom you wanted to catch up with, to work and its after-work responsibilities, to social media, and oh let’s not forget about the TikTok dance video you were trying to copy or create. It’s beyond amazing how easily we’re distracted from the “little things” that make a relationship work. The very first tip, “set boundaries” immediately spoke to me especially in my previous marriage. I was literally caught between my wife and my mother feuding over who should get the most attention from me. As a single child raised by a single mom and separating from her to become a devoted husband caused a riff not only between my wife and her mother-in-law, but between my individual relationships with both of them. It took some drastic measures on my part to clearly define the boundaries surrounding my relationship to my wife and that of my mother. The last line of the set boundaries tip is essential, establishing a BASELINE that helps put your marriage first worked in my situation. Doing this, and enforcing it allowed me to re-establish my marriage as a top priority and everything else, including our relationship to my mother became secondary regardless as to how mom felt about it. Without setting that hedge of protection around your marriage none of the other tips mentioned in this article could take place.
Great content as always.
Conflict is, essentially, part of human nature. After Adam sinned in the Garden, conflict ensued. When God asked him if he had eaten of the forbidden tree, he did not simply say, “Yes.” He said, “The woman you gave me, gave me the fruit and I did eat.” He indirectly blamed God and directly blamed the woman. The woman then blamed the serpent. When sin entered the world, so did conflict. In fact, God said that one of the results of sin would be conflict between the man and the woman. The wife would desire to control the husband and the husband would try to dominate the woman by force (Gen 3:16).
As we go throughout the biblical narrative, we continually see the fruit of sin displayed in conflict. In Genesis 4, Cain killed his brother Abel. In the same chapter, Cain’s son, Lamech, killed another man and boasted about it. In Genesis 6, the world was full of “violence,” and God decided to wipe out its inhabitants through the flood. However, the flood didn’t change the nature of man, and therefore, conflict has continued throughout history. The world has known no time without war or conflict, and unfortunately, marriages are not exempt.
Paul taught that one of the fruits of the flesh, our sin nature, is “discord” (Gal 5:20). We are prone to offend others, to be offended, to hate, to withhold forgiveness, and to divide. Sadly, all these fruits are prone to blossom within the marriage union. Couples should be aware of this, and therefore, prepare to resolve conflict in marriage.