The “Your Year in Retrospect”-type recaps are pretty popular these days. Deep down, we know they’re probably just clever marketing tactics, but we can’t help but be at least a little bit interested in seeing our listening/sleeping/purchasing/exercising habits quantified in an engaging way.
What if this was applied to your marriage? Of course, we don’t have someone tracking all of our marriage behaviors or a complex algorithm to analyze that data, and this might be for the best. However, we can’t deny that there is value in reflecting on the past – whether it’s a calendar year or another year of marriage. It’s a great way to learn more about yourself, your partner, and your relationship. (We wrote a whole post about that here.)
Okay, so maybe knowing you had seven arguments about weekend plans wouldn’t be the most helpful (or practical) thing. But what if we turned this idea on its head? What if we made it aspirational and forward-looking? How could we use this framework to quantify and set marriage goals for the year ahead?
Here are a few ways to think about it.
More/Less
“I want us to spend less time on our phones this year.”
“I want to be more active together than last year.”
“Let’s have more discussions about our budget (and fewer fights about it).”
You might not know exactly how much of each of these things you did or didn’t do last year, but there are simple ways to ensure you’re making a concerted effort. Increasing your awareness and funneling that into intentional actions is a concrete way to know you’re doing things differently than you did last year. For example, if you want to spend less time on your phones, you might notice that you tend to spend a lot of time during the evenings scrolling. You can be intentional by choosing a few nights a week or a few hours each night to put the phones in another room and focus on spending time together. Similarly, you could commit to having a monthly budget check-in, where last year you never really set any intentional time aside to discuss your finances.
Specific Number
Instead of tracking numbers to look back on, you can use this strategy to set a goal to work towards. Consider where this might work well in your marriage. You and your spouse might decide you want to go on 30 dates this year – great! Now you have a clear and concrete number in your sights, and you can easily track your progress and hold yourselves accountable. Break it down by month or schedule them out in advance – there are so many options. Think of other areas you might apply this: trying new activities together, staying healthy, relationship check-ins,
General Vibe
Some end-of-year recaps translate your usage patterns, preferences, activity, etc. into something else – maybe a colorscape, mood, or the aforementioned vibe. These things might seem strange to apply to your marriage, so think of it as a vision instead. What vision do you have for your relationship this year? Are there certain values you want to live out or embody more boldly? A feeling you want to have about your marriage by the end of the year? This one is abstract by nature, but it can help you take an aspirational approach to growing as a couple. Once you’ve settled on a general vision, you can break it down into more concrete areas to work on.
Top 5
You’ve probably seen lists of your top songs, shows, apps, or the times of day you’re using, watching, or listening. Now consider how you might apply this in a forward-thinking way to your marriage. What do you want to be your top five memories as a couple? Top areas of improvement? Strongest aspects of your relationship by the end of the year? If you want to get really specific, you could even consider taking Prepare/Enrich again to know exactly which areas of your relationship are currently strengths for you and which to work on.
The year-end recap is an interesting way to see your past 365 days quantified. It can give you some unique insights into the habits, preferences, and behaviors that have shaped your life over the past year, and you may even use that knowledge to make adjustments for the year to come. We challenge you to take that a step further and use the concept to revamp the way you set goals for your marriage.
I love this approach!
Thanks for all the Hard Work Everyone at Prepare – Enrich delivered in 2024 . May God Richly Bless into the New Year.
Yes, great article helping make positive decisions about where you want to be headed. Our top-tip is to get away annually to review every aspect of our marriage. We’ve just had our 3rd annual time away, selecting a cottage type place where we can sit around a table and chat for a long as we need away from distractions. We do have an agenda of maybe 30 aspects of our lives we want to open up with vulnerability, looking at how things turned out on the steps we decided last year and agreeing steps where we want to improve these areas in the next 12 months.
Great post! I’m going to talk this over with my wife and see how we can use it in our marriage and with the couples we mentor.