Start Feeling Happier in Your Marriage- Part 2

Last week we posed the question: Do you feel happy and satisfied in your marriage? We acknowledged that the answer is not always simple, and that there are many dynamic factors that affect how satisfied you and your spouse feel with your relationship. While they can seem beyond your control, the good news is that you and your spouse actually do have a say in almost of all of them. Here are five more ways to start feeling happier in your marriage.

1. Have a check-in.


A check-in is a designated time for you and your partner to touch base on the status of your relationship. You might talk about what’s working or not working, how satisfied you both are in various areas of your relationship, express gratitude and appreciation, air grievances, or even just talk about your day. It gives you a way to consistently address issues, bolster communication, and stay connected. It helps you nip issues in the bud instead of letting them fester, which often leads to resentment.

2. Ask your spouse on a date.


If it’s been awhile since you’ve enjoyed a date night, that lack of one-on-one time can start to wear on you. The act of asking out your partner in itself is bound to give you an endorphin boost, especially if it’s something you don’t normally do. Once it’s on the calendar, you have something fun to look forward to. Then the date itself is the perfect opportunity to connect and give each other your full attention, which can be just what you need during particularly busy or stressful times.

3. Check your boundaries.

Sometimes there are external factors that disrupt the equilibrium of your relationship. It could be that there are too many things competing for and taking up your time and energy, leaving nothing left in the tank for your spouse. Or maybe there are friends or family members who creating unnecessary stress and drama in your marriage. Poorly defined or broken boundaries can cause you to lose sight of what’s truly important. Taking steps to reestablish boundaries where you need them helps you both reset your perspective and prioritize your marriage.

4. Stop trying to change each other.

The desire to change aspects of your spouse’s personality is rooted in an expectation that they should or shouldn’t be a certain way. When we feel like our partner isn’t living up to those expectations, it can cause conflict and resentment. It stands to reason then, that letting go of those expectations (or adjusting them to be more realistic) will help you be less critical of each other, cut down on unnecessary fighting, and feel more satisfied in your relationship overall.

5. Practice being more assertive.

Assertiveness is crucial for feeling a greater sense of agency over your life and what happens to you. It is tied to higher self-confidence, which often leads to feeling more comfortable asking for what you want and need. When you can communicate those things to your partner in an honest, respectful way, it gives them a fair shot at meeting them, while also allowing you to be accountable for your own happiness and satisfaction. Assertiveness doesn’t always come naturally for everyone, but it’s a skill that will pay off in many area of your relationship.

Sometimes there is a misconception that feeling happier in your marriage is only something to strive for if you’re really struggling – or that it isn’t possible without drastic measures. The reality is, even if you’re content at the moment, there are small things both of you can do to take control of how your own happiness and give your relationship satisfaction a boost.