Social media has become so pervasive that it’s hard to even remember what it was like without it. These days, it almost takes more intention and effort to avoid it than to join in. Friends and family use it for events and parties; it’s where all the latest trends seem to pop up, and people even gain celebrity status just by sharing their lives on it.
It begs the question: what impact has it had on marriages and relationships? While there are probably a few positives, one could argue that the effects skew pretty negative. The good news, of course, is that you can avoid this outcome. Here are five essential tips to ensure that social media doesn’t harm your marriage.
1. Set boundaries.
Are you in agreement about what is and isn’t okay to share about each other and your relationship? What about who you communicate with or are “friends” with? What should you do if an ex reaches out? Even if these things are not an issue for you, it’s good to have a conversation just to make sure you’re on the same page. And if it has caused conflict in the past, then it’s that much more important to align on some ground rules. The goal is that your marriage and spouse are always respected, and this applies even if only one of you is on social media.
2. Water your own grass.
When you’re constantly seeing the highlights of other people’s lives, it’s easy to fall into a “grass is greener” mindset – if only you had their income, their house, their relationship – all of your problems would be solved. Focusing on “living up to” or matching what others seem to be doing could mean you’re not paying attention to the real issues in your marriage that need attention, which can be detrimental to relationship over time. Instead of sliding down this slippery slope, focus on nurturing and putting energy into making your own marriage the best it can be.
3. Don’t let it replace quality time.
At the end of a busy day, it’s easy to sit down and start scrolling separately to decompress. Most couples would probably be lying if they said they never did this, and in moderation, it’s probably not a big deal. But if mindlessly browsing social media is replacing quality time and connection, you’ll want to stop and reassess your habits. Set aside intentional “device free” time so that you can focus on each other without distractions.
4. Take a digital detox every so often.
It could be a few days each month or one day every weekend. Many people find taking periodic breaks from social media refreshing and that it benefits their mental and emotional wellbeing. You could also consider cleaning up the list of people you follow, unsubscribing from any accounts that aren’t serving you and your marriage in a positive way. Coordinating your breaks so that you can spend time connecting while also recharging mentally makes this doubly impactful.
5. Don’t just do it for the ‘gram.
Life is meant to be lived in real-time – not staging photos for a curated version of your life that’s posted online. Focus on being present and enjoying the moment. Sure, you might snap a quick selfie with your spouse on date night or take a video to capture their reaction as they open a gift. What’s problematic is when you’re living behind your phone, or getting so caught up in posting a photo that you miss out on what’s happening right in front of you. Set a limit on how much you have your phone out, then put it away for the time being. It can be a freeing feeling!
Social media can easily become a third wheel in your marriage, but it doesn’t have to be that way. With a bit of mindfulness and intention, you can ensure that you’re only gleaning the aspects that are useful and positive – and not letting it have a negative impact on your marriage.
This is so accurate. We need to always keep our spouses first. It’s easy to fall into the social media trap and forget to spend good quality time together with no phone. To discuss it is imperative. Don’t assume you know how the other feels. My marriage is the most important thing to me.
I’ms saddened to see couples who go out and spend more time with their phones instead of with each other. Sitting in a restaurant can be a good time to communicate even some tough issues, knowing emotions can be more controlled in public.
I agree with taking a scheduled ‘fast’ from our phones.
Let’s remember some times the grass is “greener” on the other side of the fence, but sometimes, it’s not grass at all . It’s rock, just sprayed green to give that appearance.