We’ll admit it. When it comes to discussing social media and its effects on marriage, we’ve focused mostly on the negatives. Distraction from being fully present, living vicariously through others, and getting caught up in comparison are some of the less-than-desirable impacts that tend to creep into your relationship and cause problems. But as with most things, it’s not all black and white. While there are pitfalls to watch out for, there are also a lot of positives that can come from social media as well.
For the sake of this post, let’s expand our definition of social media to include all of the different types of media we consume these days, such as podcasts, streaming platforms, etc. After all, everything is pretty much at our fingertips or just a click or scroll away. Plus, there’s lots of crossover between them – you hear podcast clips on TikTok and Instagram, reels on YouTube, you get the idea.
Now that those details are squared away, let’s explore some of the beneficial lessons we can reap from the media we consume on a daily basis.
Lesson #1: Humor helps.
Whether it’s a hilarious take on current events or your favorite comedian’s latest observational musing, social media is an easy place to turn for a quick laugh. And that includes humorous perspectives on marriage as well. Maybe you follow “marriage influencers” already or your spouse shares things with you they think you’ll get a kick out of. The truth is, humor helps us see things in a different light, and helps take the edge off of topics that might otherwise annoy you or put you on the defensive. For example, have you seen skits of couples pretending to be each other in various marital situations? If so, you’ve probably chuckled to yourself – maybe because you relate personally or just the silly delivery. Either way, next time you stumble across one, stop to consider what it requires to pretend to be each other – empathy! Truly putting themselves in each other’s shoes and seeking to understand the experiences through their spouse’s perspective is what lends to the acting being done in a funny and affectionate way instead of mocking or cruel. How can you apply this in your own marriage? When you feel more seen and understood, is it easier to poke fun at yourself? How might that help when a fight is brewing?
Lesson #2: Pretend you’re podcasters.
There’s a podcast for everything these days. From long-form interviews, to weekly analysis of your favorite show, to topical discussions on pretty much anything you can imagine, podcasts have become a popular way to share ideas, perspectives, and stories, and more. Have you ever tuned into one where there was disagreement or contention between the hosts or the host/guest? Whether it was a podcast specifically about marriage or not, there are things you can take away from the unique setting of a podcast that may help you handle conflict in your own marriage. For example, you typically don’t see one party storm out of the interview in anger. That’s not to say that emotions never run high or that things don’t get heated – it definitely happens. However, there is a sense of emotional regulation and self-control present during the conversation. Instead of judging or shutting down an opposing view, the whole point is to learn more about it. A relentless curiosity to understand where the person is coming from paired with a reflective mindset contributes to a deeper and more productive discussion. The next time you and your spouse are working through a conflict, consider framing it up this way. You might be surprised by how this alters the dynamic.
Lesson #3: The struggle IS real.
As much as social media tends to emphasize filtered perfection, whether it’s someone’s flawless skin or their spotless home, there’s a flip side to this. It’s becoming just as common to show the behind-the-scenes reality of the content that is curated for the public. You’ll see this in a literal sense – those Instagram vs. reality posts of the winning family picture followed by several with screaming toddlers. And you’ll see it in other contexts when a couple shares that despite their strong, happy facade, they have to work on their marriage every day – and they’re committed to doing it. Even the couples that seem to have effortless, breezy marriages have their own challenges and issues to work through. When this ongoing work is normalized, it can help you and your spouse stay the path and more fully embrace the journey you’re on. You’re not alone!
Lesson #4: “Reality” helps you reflect.
With countless streaming options available, marriage and dating “reality” shows abound. As cringe as they are compelling, they actually make for great conversation, whether it’s with someone in line at the grocery store, your coworkers, or your spouse. Most people love discussing other people’s relationships, and there’s no better fodder than the over-the-top premises of these shows. Observing others’ relationship behaviors, habits, and tendencies gets you reflecting on your own. Talking about it with your spouse is not only fun, but it can help you both gain new perspective and insight into your own relationship.
The media we consume and the way in which we consume it is constantly evolving. Because of its on-demand and close-at-hand nature, its impact on your daily life and consequently your marriage, can’t be ignored. Sure, there are negatives, but there can be positives as well. By leaning into these aspects, you can prevent the less desirable effects from coming between you and your spouse.
