Marriage in a New City

Well, it’s official. You’re leaving your family, friends, and everything familiar for an adventure in a new city. You don’t know anyone there. You’re excited – and nervous, too. Can you relate?

Whether it’s a once-in-a-lifetime job opportunity, a temporary relocation for school, a new station in the military, or even just an itch to experience new things together, it’s not uncommon for couples to find themselves moving to an unfamiliar place where the only person they know is each other. On one hand, it can be a really unique opportunity to bond and strengthen their connection. However, it can have its challenges, too. Let’s explore some tips for navigating them.

Establish good communication.

It’s basic, but oh-so-important. Leading up to your move and throughout the transition, be open in sharing your feelings – everything from what you’re excited about about what you’re most worried or stressed about. It might be logistical things like finding your way around a new town or getting used to a new routine, or maybe you are worried about how the change will affect your relationship. Whatever it is, be honest, open, and vulnerable about it. It will help you strengthen your emotional connection, which will serve your marriage well as you go through this big life change.

Think about what kind of support you’ll both need.

If you’re moving to a city where you literally know no one, who will be there to help you out when you need it? Who will you socialize with? If you have kids, is there a community you can rely on in a pinch? Will you need help finding a new job? Of course, you’ll have each other, but there will be times when your spouse is unavailable – and we shouldn’t expect our spouse to fulfill all of our social and emotional needs anyway. You probably won’t be able to answer all of these questions right way, and that’s okay. Simply being aware and somewhat prepared for the new networks and relationships you’ll want to create can help you avoid feeling totally overwhelmed or alone once you move. Discuss different ways you can help each other in building a strong support system.

Build new friendships.

Sure, you’ll probably keep in touch with your old friends, but building new friendships is a great way to learn the ins and outs of your new city while creating that support system you need. Finding couple friends with whom you share common interests or life stage is a bonus because not only does it give you the opportunity to spend time unwinding together, it’s also a great source of camaraderie. When it comes to meeting new people, be open-minded and willing to connect with people through all areas of your life: your job, your kids’ friends’ parents, hobbies, church, neighbors, etc. Be willing to step outside your comfort zone and encourage each other to do so, but remain respectful of each other’s boundaries. Maintaining good communication will help you stay in tune with each other’s needs.

Embrace the experience as a team.

Depending on the circumstances of your move, it might feel like it’s more for one person – maybe it’s for their career or education or they’re more adventurous or outgoing. However, remember that you are doing it together, as a team. It’s a unique experience that you get to share as a married couple, so think of it as something that can strengthen your bond and enrich your relationship. If there are any negative feelings about the move, get them out in the open as soon as you can, before they turn to resentment. Yes, there will be aspects of the experience that challenge and test your relationship, but when you embrace them with the right mindset, there is the potential for tremendous growth.

Whether you and your partner are gearing up to take on a new city together or you’re going through it right now, there are lots of things to think about and emotions to process. It can test your marriage, but it doesn’t have to have a negative effect. Just as with other challenges you’ll face together, communication, mental preparation, and prioritizing your relationship will ensure it’s a time you look back on fondly.

If you and your spouse have gone through this or a similar experience, what advice would you share with other couples?