How To Get The Most Out Of Premarital Counseling

Have you recently started premarital counseling or are you getting ready to? Are you still considering whether it’s something you should do? Whether you’re being required to complete premarital through you church or you’re seeking it out on your own, there’s one thing you need to know: you’ll get out of it what you put into it. Here’s how to get the most out of premarital counseling.

Adjust your mindset.

Are you thinking of it as just another box to check on your long wedding to-do list? Do you consider it as an inconvenience or a waste of time? Hold up! Shake off this negative perspective and reframe the experience as an investment in your marriage and your future together. Premarital counseling can help you practice crucial relationship skills and get aligned on major aspects of your relationship, creating a strong foundation on which to begin your marriage. Think of it as the first step in an ongoing journey of growing together as a couple.

Find the right facilitator.

It might be the pastor you’ve known since you were a kid, a counselor that your friends recommended, or a wedding officiant that you clicked with immediately. Whatever the case, you’ll want to find someone that aligns with your values and expectations, helps you feel at ease, and has the level of experience you’re looking for. Going into the experience with a positive mindset can help you build rapport with whomever you choose. You can use our search tool to find the right Prepare/Enrich Facilitator here.

Be yourselves.

It’s understandable that you’ll feel the urge to put your best foot forward and make a good impression. That being said, try to avoid putting on a facade that conceals your true selves. If you’re being fake, your facilitator is unable to give you the feedback and help you build the skills that you really need. Your experience will be surface level at best. By being authentic, your premarital counseling will be more relevant and tailored to who you are as a couple, making it much more likely that you’ll walk away with skills and insights you can actually apply.

Put in the effort.

Great premarital counseling is a collaborative effort. Both you and your facilitator need to be engaged and invested in the process. The willingness to actively participate and put in the effort to strengthen your relationship makes the experience so much more meaningful. This is also another area where the right mindset makes all the difference. You can think of the effort as chore-like work, where you’re just trying to get through it and be done with it – sort of like studying just to pass the test instead of to retain and apply the information later. Or you can see it as an effort well worth the long-term benefits, like living a healthy lifestyle or working towards a degree to pursue your dream career.

Don’t shy away from issues that come up.

Some couples get nervous about doing premarital counseling because they fear it will only serve to rock the boat or stir up conflict. It’s understandable to want to avoid this. After all, no one likes having uncomfortable, difficult conversations. But being able to discuss contentious relationship issues in a healthy, productive way is a skill that will help you stay connected to each other throughout the journey of marriage. Plus, this is a great way to bring up issues that perhaps you’ve been wanting to discuss but weren’t sure how to bring up. Getting comfortable with addressing issues instead of avoiding them sets you up for continuous relationship growth and can prevent minor issues from turning into major problems.

Premarital counseling can seem like just another hoop to jump through before getting married. But consider the fact that it’s called premarital – not pre-wedding. It’s helping you be prepared for a lifelong marriage, not just one big day. With awareness and intention, you can ensure you’re getting the most out of this unique experience.