How Self-Awareness Boosts Your Relationship

Self-awareness, or mindfulness, is a buzzword lately. If it evokes images of someone meditating on a mountaintop or something to that effect, you’re probably not alone. While it is, in fact, about getting in touch with your core self, it isn’t only for people who meditate on mountaintops. Self-awareness is crucial for everyone – and here’s why.

Experts say that self-awareness is necessary for personal growth and wellbeing, which makes sense. We need to understand ourselves in order to stretch ourselves to be better. Understanding ourselves also helps us to make sense of how we relate to others. In other words, self-awareness helps us be better in our relationships! And frankly, relationships are a pretty darn important chunk of our lives, which means that most people can benefit from increased self-awareness. Here are three things you can do to get to know yourself better:

Keep a journal.
If the last time you kept a journal was decades ago in junior high, it might feel like an odd habit to pick up now. However, keeping a journal as an adult can be an enlightening experience that serves a deeper purpose than capturing the latest lunchroom gossip. It can be a judgment-free outlet for self-reflection, stress, anxiety, or trauma, which studies show benefits your overall mental health. Over time, it can help you recognize emotional and behavioral patterns and triggers. Sometimes when we’re going through something, it’s hard to see things objectively, but journaling allows us to look back on what was going on in our head at the time and make sense of it when we’re more equipped to do so.

Assess yourself.
Self-assessments are big right now, and there are a lot of them out there. From personality tests to strength/weakness finders to your thinking style and so much more, self-assessments can provide insight into what makes you tick in all aspects of your life. While you shouldn’t quantify yourself based on the results of one assessment, they can help you see yourself more objectively. They might confirm something about yourself that you were pretty sure about or give you unexpected results on something else, which at the very least can open your mind to seeing yourself differently (“Huh, maybe I am more introverted than I thought.”) You might also gain more understanding of how you relate to others, whether it’s your coworkers, your family, or your partner.

Learn how to take feedback.
This one sounds simple enough, but it takes a certain combination of humility and self-confidence to be able to truly take in constructive criticism. It’s hard to hear uncomfortable or unflattering truths about ourselves, right? Even if you can sit and take it with a smile, there are often involuntary emotions that bubble below the surface: defensiveness, anger, shame, vulnerability. Being able to sit with those feelings while also knowing that it doesn’t define you takes an emotional maturity that will also allow you to act on that feedback in a productive and realistic way. Next time you’re offered a piece of feedback about yourself, whether that’s formally at work, or informally at home, accept the feedback and reflect on it, instead of getting defensive right away.

Nurturing your self-awareness helps you to be more in tune with your own needs, tendencies, and triggers, crucial for personal growth and healthy, dynamic relationships. Don’t settle for stagnancy – knowing yourself better takes intention and effort, but it will pay off through further self-improvement and enriched personal relationships.

Are you ready to help couples boost their self-awareness and build more successful marriages?
The new book, Helping Couples, is a collaboration between Dr. David H. Olson and Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, founders of the two largest marriage assessments, Prepare/Enrich and SYMBIS. It’s a handbook of proven strategies for counselors, coaches, and clergy who work with engaged and married couples to both prepare for a healthy, lifelong marriage, and to nurture existing marriages. Learn more >>