How Gratitude Transforms Your Marriage

You probably say “thank you” many times each day, but gratitude is about more than simply uttering these two words out of habit. It’s about feeling that sense of gratefulness deep within your heart, internalizing it in a way that shapes your entire mindset and perspective – and your marriage, as well. The positive effects of gratitude have the power to send positive ripples throughout your relationship – here’s how:

1. You’ll appreciate each other more.

We never know what tomorrow, or next week, or next year will bring. It’s not a given that you or your spouse will be there every day into the future, or what adversity you might face together. Whether you’re going through a tough marriage season or are frustrated with your spouse’s personality quirks, gratitude prevents you from taking each other for granted. Knowing life can change in the blink of an eye makes us less likely to want to spend time fighting about trivial things. Instead, you’re more easily able to focus on all the good they bring to your life and how you can best cherish each other every day.

2. You’ll counteract resentment.

Regularly expressing gratitude to each other can temper the little annoyances and resentments that have a way of building up over time. Making an effort to thank each other for the specific things (“Hey, thanks for planning the meals this week, that really lightened my load this week.”) or the more general (“I’m really lucky to have you by my side.”) can help both of you let go of irritation that might take root if you rarely express that appreciation.

3. You’ll feel more satisfied.

Various studies in recent years have found that when partners feel more gratitude toward each other, they also feel more satisfied in their relationship. If you’re feeling more satisfied, you’re going to be less likely to nitpick at your spouse for the little things or let anger or bitterness bubble over the top. If you do have an issue, you’ll be better able to address it in an empathetic way and be more receptive to feedback from each other. All of these things together have a profoundly positive effect throughout your relationship, particularly when it comes to how you handle conflict.

4. You’ll keep a healthy perspective.

In situations in where annoyance or anger would be the easy response, a lens of gratitude helps you zoom out to see the whole picture, instead of zeroing in on the negatives. For example, if your spouse has a tendency to go overboard with holiday decor, you might shift your perspective to see their good intention: creating happy memories and a sense of tradition. Keep in mind, this doesn’t mean you have to ignore or minimize negative emotions. You can experience and acknowledge those feelings and still feel grateful.

Those things all sound great, but how do you actually cultivate that grateful mindset all year round? It starts with small, yet intentional steps you can take every day:

• Begin to notice the little things.
  Start to see the seemingly small things your spouse does for you throughout the day to show their love. Maybe they always brew the coffee, keep your car filled with gas, or save the last muffin for you. Consider what your life might be like without these things or what it would feel like to experience them after being deprived. Try to be more aware of these expressions of love and affection. Notice them, relish them, and fully immerse yourself in the intention behind them.
• Reflect on what you’re grateful for daily.
  You might already set aside time each day for prayer or meditation, either with your spouse or separately. If reflecting on what you’re grateful for isn’t already part of that habit, it’s an easy addition to make. Consider journaling or jotting down your thoughts. It’s not only convenient to look back on when you need a boost, but also makes it easier to share with your spouse. That’s right – share your gratitude lists with each other! This is a great way to build emotional intimacy and strengthen your connection. Plus, it helps you both focus on and internalize what you’re grateful for, lending to a mindset of gratitude that becomes second nature.
• Make a point to express your gratitude.
  How often to do you take the time to really thank your spouse in a way that they truly sinks in? Whether it’s for something specific they’ve done recently or a general appreciation for who they are, give them your full, heartfelt attention. The idea here is that outwardly expressing the gratitude you feel takes it “full circle.” It kicks off a reciprocal effect in your relationship that helps you both feel happier and more grateful.

What are some ways you lean into gratitude year round, and what effects have you noticed on your marriage? Let us know in the comments!