Helping Each Other Recharge

Do you have people in your life who require a lot of energy? Maybe it’s a friend who always has lots of drama going on and emotions to match, a family member who is always going 100 miles an hour, or a coworker who has always made you a little nervous. Whether you realize it or not, spending time with these individuals tends to leave you feeling a bit drained. It’s fine in small doses, but you’re always ready for an opportunity to recharge afterward.

And people aren’t the only things that can drain you. Your job, daily responsibilities, and the world around you can tap out your energy reserves in various ways, whether it’s emotionally, mentally, or even spiritually. At the end of a long day, you’re both ready to decompress. Are you and your spouse a source of renewal for each other, or do you unintentionally demand more energy from each other? How can you help each other recharge? How does this benefit your relationship? Here are some aspects to consider:

Understanding your needs

Just as there are different types of energy that you expend, you have different needs and preferences for how you renew that energy. For example, most people are at least somewhat familiar with the differences between introverts and extroverts. Generally speaking, introverts recharge by being alone, while extroverts feel energized by being around others. Of course, there is nuance to this, but figuring out where you and your spouse both fall on this spectrum will help you better understand what you each need. The same concept applies to many other aspects of personality as well. Are you someone who relaxes through physical activities like playing a sport or going for a run, or do you need physical downtime? Do mentally stimulating or relaxing activities, like doing a crossword or playing video games, help you recharge your batteries? Do you lean on prayer or meditation to get recentered when you’re feeling drained emotionally?

How you spend your day combined with your personality and preferences can add a layer of complexity. For example, if you’re an extrovert who works mostly alone all day, you might be craving social interaction even more by the time you get home. Or if you work a physically demanding job, your body might require rest even if you’d rather be doing more active things with your family. These factors can have an effect on what you need to recharge and how you interact with your partner in the process.

Communicating your needs

When you have a good level of self-awareness and know what you need to feel your best, you’re better able to communicate that to your spouse. Letting them know explicitly is important! They might be able to guess, but ultimately, telling them outright gives them the best opportunity to support you and vice versa. Once you’ve learned each others preferences, you can probably anticipate what the other person needs most of the time. However, people evolve, needs change, and not every situation is the same, so keep the lines of communication open.

Respecting each other’s needs

You might prefer to debrief about your day as soon as you’re together to take the load off your mind. Your partner, on the other hand, might like to have some quiet time alone before diving into a conversation with you. Whether you are similar or different in what you prefer, it’s important to respect each other’s needs and tendencies. This might mean finding a happy medium that factors in both of your preferences – in this case that might be your spouse listening quietly as you chatter on. The understanding comes through you not expecting much back and forth, while your spouse provides a listening ear.

Helping each other

As a spouse, you’re in a unique position to help fulfill your partner’s recharging needs. It’s an opportunity to support, nurture, and express your love. Consider ways that you can go the extra mile to help them recharge, especially during times when they might be expending more energy than usual. For instance, during a particularly stressful season at their job, you might take on more of the meal planning or evening kid duties to lighten their load after a long day. Or perhaps you make arrangements for your spouse to enjoy a night out with friends, spend a day doing their favorite hobby, or sleep in on the weekend. Learning to do this for each other selflessly creates a reciprocal dynamic of support and teamwork, which will benefit your marriage during stressful situations or difficult seasons.

Strengthening your relationship

So why is managing your energy and helping each other so important and beneficial to your marriage? The reality is that you only have so much of the various types of energy. When it becomes depleted, you start seeing negative effects throughout different areas of your life. This state of imbalance often results in not being at your best, whether that’s as a spouse, parent, friend, employee, etc. By learning to manage your energy, replenish it when you need to, and help each other do the same, you’re able to give more fully in your marriage. Additionally, you and your spouse might find a way of recharging that you share together – maybe prayer or exercise – and that can be a great way to strengthen your bond while also improving your wellbeing.

How do you and your spouse help each other recharge? What have you learned about yourselves and each other? Let us know in the comments!