Cultivating Connection During the Holiday Chaos

The holiday season can be a bit of a conundrum for many couples and families. You might envision cozy, relaxing time spent with loved ones, slowing down as the year wraps up and you prepare for the start of a new one. Reality can look quite different, as the holidays can often end up busy, chaotic, and stressful.

Between prepping for (and then attending) all the gatherings, parties, and celebrations, trying to squeeze in all the activities and traditions, while also traveling or hosting family and friends… phew, it’s a lot! On top of that, there is the pressure to make all of these things memorable and meaningful instead of just things to be done.

A strong sense of connection with your spouse and family is the glue that holds everything together. Without it, it can seem like you’re just going through the motions. So how can you cultivate connection amidst the holiday chaos? We’ve got some tips.

1. You don’t have to do it all.

Realistically, you probably can’t do it all. Making the most of the season does not have to mean doing the most. You’ll likely receive many invitations to various festivities. You might even have your own long list of things you’d like to do as well. Be okay with saying no, and be picky with what you commit to and how you choose to invest your time and energy. When you’re rushing from one activity to the next, it’s difficult to really enjoy the moment and allow yourselves to savor each other’s company. You might miss out on the opportunity for a sweet conversation with your kids or sharing some heartfelt reflections with your spouse. By avoiding over-scheduling, you leave space for these things to happen organically.

2. Put the phone away.

Living behind our phones has unfortunately become a pretty common problem these days. Of course, they offer many obvious perks, such as staying in touch with long-distance loved ones and being able to easily capture and share memorable moments. The dark side of the device can start to take over if we forget to put it down the phone to be fully present with the people and things happening around us. Imagine sitting in a room with your spouse or family and you’re all on your phones. It doesn’t really conjure up images of real-life connection, right? Instead of letting screens take up that valuable time together, try pulling out the board games, 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle, or a box of old photos. You might be surprised by the laughter and conversations that ensue!

3. Enforce your boundaries.

You probably have a pretty good idea of what works best in your relationship and family, and you may have boundaries in place to reinforce those things. Boundaries help you and your family avoid physical, mental, and emotional burnout, which lends itself to more harmonious interactions and bonding. Perhaps you’re a stickler for keeping your kids on their normal schedule or you always try to have some one-on-one time with your spouse to exchange gifts. You might feel pressure during the holidays to relax those boundaries or forgo them altogether. If you are comfortable with that, go for it. But if your gut tells you to stick with them, go with that instinct – and support each other in doing so.

4. Prioritize your relationship.

With so much going on, it might feel weird to focus on doing something for just the two of you – but it shouldn’t! Your marriage deserves to be prioritized year-round. Consider ways you can create new holiday traditions as a couple or incorporate existing ones into the holiday season. You probably can’t escape all of the season’s stress, so quality time with your partner might be just what you both need to decompress and reenergize yourselves before the next round of celebrations.

When all is said and done, the holidays are what you make them. Whether you love the whirlwind of festivities or simply tolerate them, we hope these tips help you maintain a sense of balance and focus on connection with those you love.