Creating Your Celebration Culture

Are you someone who celebrates their birthday all month, all week, one day, or not at all? Where does your spouse land?

Chances are you fall into one of these categories, and you probably know people who fit into the others. Are you and your spouse in the same group? If not, how are you navigating those differences?

It seems like a minor thing, but how you celebrate – whether it’s birthdays, holidays, milestones, or accomplishments – runs much deeper.

Similar to your attitudes toward money or how you handle conflict, celebrations are something that people often learn from their own family growing up. The way your family celebrated probably seemed “normal” to you – you assumed everyone did it that way. Eventually, you realize that’s just what you’re accustomed to and that your spouse’s or friends’ families all celebrated in their own special ways.

The reality is, there’s no right or wrong way to celebrate. You don’t have to stick to what you’ve always known or adopt all of your spouse’s traditions either. You can create your own unique celebration culture as a couple – one that you eventually pass down to your own family as well. Let’s explore some of the things that influence this aspect of your relationship.

What do you celebrate?

Of course there are the typical events, like birthdays and holidays, but you’re not restricted to just those. You can expand your celebrations to include whatever you want. Think of dates that mark lesser known yet meaningful memories or occasions, such as your dating anniversary or your beloved pet’s birthday. Or consider the things that happen less unpredictably, such as getting a new job or big promotion, the kids making the honor roll or losing their first tooth, or the first big snowfall of the season. Not every day needs to be a party, but finding reasons to celebrate is a simple way to add joy, intention, and quality time to your lives amidst the daily grind.

How do you celebrate?

While what you celebrate is obviously an important part of your celebration culture, how you celebrate is perhaps what makes it one-of-a-kind. Do you go big on everything? Do you keep things pretty low-key, but go all-out for particular milestones or achievements? Do you celebrate with gifts, experiences, food, or a combination of all? Who celebrates with you? Do you keep it small with just immediate family, or do extended family and friends join the fun? In the moment, these just seem like logistical decisions, but collectively they create the overall dynamic of your celebration culture.

Do what works for you.

With social media, we get to see what everyone else is celebrating and how that looks. If over-the-top decorations, picture-perfect charcuterie tables, or trendy themed birthday parties bring you and your family joy, then embrace that! But don’t let it pressure you into feeling like you have to do that, too. The quirky and casual celebrations and traditions you create can be just as meaningful.

Be intentional, but flexible.

If there are things that your family did growing up that you really loved – or didn’t love – you can make a decision with your spouse about whether you want to carry that into your marriage and family. Just remember that nothing is set in stone. Your celebration culture, just like the family traditions that have been around for generations, can and will evolve. For example, the way you celebrate might change as you go through different life stages with your spouse or as your children grow. Similarly, if you and your spouse grew up with very different celebration cultures, it might take some time to figure out what’s right for your marriage, so be open-minded when it comes to incorporating new things.

Your marriage is one-of-a-kind for many reasons – your personalities, backgrounds, upbringing, and experiences all come together in a unique and dynamic way, giving your relationship a sense of depth and complexity that cannot be replicated. Your celebration culture is part of that. It’s a joyful opportunity to express yourself as a couple or a family.