5 Ways to Embrace Your Unique Relationship

Do you consider yourselves to be a quirky couple? Whether you answered yes or no, the reality is that your personalities, upbringing, experiences, and perspectives make you two very unique individuals. And that makes your relationship one-of-a-kind as well! Learning to go with the flow of the unique dynamics of your relationship instead of resisting them or feeling like there’s some mold you should fit into is part of growing as a couple.

Here are five way you can embrace your unique relationship:

1. Give yourselves props for what you do well as a couple.

Over time, it’s easy to focus on the negatives while overlooking the positives. However, it’s crucial to be able to recognize, acknowledge, and take pride in the areas in which you thrive. Whether it’s your seamless teamwork when it comes to parenting, the ability to be honest with each other without hurt feelings, or simply your complementary personalities, go ahead and appreciate your special set of strengths. Lean into them as you face challenges, and gain confidence from them when you’re feeling frustrated or discouraged.

2. Don’t view your struggles as failures.

The flip side of #1 is that you’re inevitably going to have areas in which you struggle. These don’t “cancel out” your strengths, and they do not have to be permanent. As you navigate different seasons of life, you may find yourselves growing in some areas, while new challenges pop up. And yes, you might have that one nagging topic that’s been with you since day one. That’s normal, and it’s part of what makes your relationship unique. Figuring out ways to work through and manage these issues is an opportunity to build resilience, and resilience has been shown to be a key factor in lasting relationships.

3. Be creative in your problem solving.

Parents are familiar with the idea of having to parent each child differently. Each child, after all, is their own person, different from his/her siblings even if they share certain characteristics. Parents often need to think outside the box to come up with what’s effective in teaching, motivating, or disciplining each kid, and the solutions often look very different from each other. The same goes for your marriage. You might deal with the same issues as other couples, but how you manage those issues can be vastly different – and as creative as you need them to be.

4. Start a special tradition.

Kind of like a running inside joke, except make it an opportunity for connection and bonding. Maybe you both like geeking out over finance stuff, so you have a monthly “state of the budget” address, complete with a slide presentation. Maybe you don’t share a lot of hobbies, so you set aside certain days where you and your spouse willingly take part in the other’s favorite activities. It doesn’t matter if it seems weird or off the wall, what’s important is that it embodies your quirks as a couple and helps you embrace them.

5. Avoid the comparison game.

Now more than ever, it’s easy to compare yourself to other couples. While it’s great to take note of other relationships that seem to have it all figured out, try to avoid using them as a measuring stick to determine whether you’re succeeding or failing. In the same way that one personality type is not preferred over another, others’ relationships are different from, not better than. They might struggle in areas that you handle well, and vice versa. No two relationships will look the same!

A big part of growing and developing as an individual is learning to accept yourself and embrace the things that make you unique. It’s the same for your relationship. It doesn’t mean that you don’t strive to keep growing or getting better for each other. It means that instead of resisting the things that make you unique as a couple, you celebrate them, and you use them as stepping stones to strengthen your relationship even more.

Are you ready to help couples embrace their uniqueness and build more successful marriages?

The new book, Helping Couples, is a collaboration between Dr. David H. Olson and Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, founders of the two largest marriage assessments, Prepare/Enrich and SYMBIS. It’s a handbook of proven strategies for counselors, coaches, and clergy who work with engaged and married couples to both prepare for a healthy, lifelong marriage, and to nurture existing marriages. Learn more >>