An important part of marriage is being there for each other. It’s one of the underpinnings of a strong relationship, but it’s also, well, rather vague. Your vows may have specified for richer or poorer or in sickness and health, but the truth is, often the times in which we need that extra support are not always so clearly defined. They might seem like ordinary, “just part of life” circumstances. That, combined with getting wrapped up in the hustle of our own daily life demands means it’s easy to miss out on opportunities to truly support our partner when they need it most. Here are five times to be aware of when your spouse might need extra support.
When they’re grieving
Whether it’s the profound loss of a friend or loved one, the death of their childhood pet, or even something more “minor” like having to miss their best friend’s wedding, when your spouse is grieving, they need your emotional support. Validate their feelings, but also realize that they might not tell you they’re having a hard time. Everyone grieves differently, so support your partner in a way they are receptive to. If you’re not sure what to say or what they need, just be honest. They might be able to tell you exactly what they need, or just knowing that you’re there for them may be comfort enough.
When they’re facing an identity crisis
It might not always manifest as dramatically as staring into the mirror and asking, “Who am I?” However, the feelings of being lost or questioning things that had once seemed clear are real. Maybe your spouse is realizing the career path they’ve dedicated 20 years to is not the right one for them. Perhaps they’re struggling with their new identity as a parent or having a hard time transitioning to an empty nest. It’s normal to face growing pains like these throughout life, and you are in a unique position to be a source of support and encouragement to each other when you’re going through them.
When they’re stepping outside their comfort zone
Let’s say your spouse tells you they’re taking the lead on a big project at work, and they’re nervous they’ll be in over their head. Or they’re pushing aside their introverted tendencies to organize the next food drive at your church. These might seem like small things, but you know it’s a big deal for your spouse. And that makes it an important chance to step up and show that you’re in their corner cheering them on. After all, supporting each other in stepping outside your comfort zone leads to personal growth.
When they’re standing up for themselves
Maybe they’re finally creating or enforcing a boundary with their family or putting their foot down with a friend who’s been treating them poorly. If your spouse struggles with assertiveness (and even if they don’t), then this is a good time to support them in working on that skill, that they’re worthy of being treated well, and that ultimately you have their back.
When they’re trying to reach a goal
Working to adopt a healthier lifestyle or finishing an advanced degree are examples of when your support can make or break your spouse’s success. Think about how big of a role you play in their daily life and how impactful your positive reinforcement can be. Showing an unwavering belief in them is like having an extra player on their team as they work toward their goal, whatever that may be.
As you go through life together, you’ll inevitably face situations in which your spouse needs some extra support (and vice versa). The problem is, these scenarios don’t always announce themselves when they come around, and so you may not always pick up on them. With a little more awareness, you can be sure you’re stepping up when you’re needed most.
Great advice. My wife and I have been married 44 years: great reminders!
It all seems so simple, but good!
This is one of your posts that I’m going to save and re-read many times. We all experience each one of these, at one time or another, and we will need each other’s support. Thanks!
After being married 21 yrs life definitely twists and turns. Great to acknowledge and be reminded to help support my spouse. Thanks
Thanks so much for this post . Actually is coming on time . Despite Married for over 41 years we are still struggling to get through most of the points raised .
I really appreciate this and know very well with the points raised we shall pass through the struggles of the past conveniently by the Grace of God.
This one is personal as I have read and shared so many of your post this one especially about grief hit home as I lost my mom!!! Great share!! Thank you
Yes sometimes we don’t realise how important or how much of a challenge certain things are for our partner. Just listening to them and lending a supportive comment can make our partner feel supported.
Sage post! I’ve found the second point important, even if not a ‘crisis.’ Looking back over our 44 years of marriage, we traveled through seasons that helped to redefine us, like graduate studies, parenthood of small children, then teens, now adults with their own families, empty nest, retirement. Each of these natural transitions created an unsteadiness that called for more partner support. We need support from our beloved in identity crises, but we need it as well in the seasonal shifts.
Thanks for the article. I’ll pass this one along to our children and others.
Good advice! Thanks for the post.
It’s eye opener to know that we go through life curve and stages.Therefore we need each other as a couple to be assistance agent in time such as that.
That is the essence of marriage.
Genesis 2:28. The scripture says, it’s not good for Man to be alone.
I am blessed for this massage.
Being married for almost 18 years, I still need knowledge such as this.
Thank you.
After over 41 years of marriage we’ve been through most of what you posted, and then some. I can say with full certainty that my wife has bean there for me and how comforting it was. I’ve tried – and I pray I’ve been successful, in doing the same for her. Thanks for the information and reminder.