5 Signs You’re Growing as a Couple

How do you know something is growing? Sometimes it’s concrete and measurable: You can compare your child’s current height to last year’s measurement. Or you can see that your tiny sprout has now outgrown the pot it was planted in. Other times, there is less visual evidence. For example, how do you know if you’ve grown personally or in your marriage? Although it’s harder to see on the surface, recognizing growth can be important. It gives you confidence, encouragement, and motivation to keep striving for better – to keep putting effort into the things that matter. Here are five signs you’re growing as a couple.

1. You don’t avoid the tough conversation.

There may have been a time in your relationship when you would try to brush issues under the rug. You knew it would be a difficult discussion and it might start a bigger fight. Just the thought of brining it up was anxiety-inducing. Why not just avoid it and see if the problem fixes itself? Over time, you’ve learned that usually doesn’t happen. In fact, it often makes it worse. With experience and effort, you’ve gotten better at managing and addressing conflict head-on, even though it can still be uncomfortable. 


2. You’ve learned to leverage your differences.

You were always aware of some key differences between you that had a tendency to cause friction. Whether it was personality traits, perspectives, or your individual interests and preferences, there were certain situations that often led to a fight… that is until you figured out how to work with these differences instead of against them. Instead of putting energy into figuring out how to make your spouse more like yourself, you focus on appreciating the things that make them – and ultimately your relationship – unique.


3. You aren’t afraid to call each other out.

In the past, you may have been wary of holding each other accountable when you’ve messed up. Maybe it led to a cycle of defensiveness and criticism, ultimately ending in an argument, so you began avoiding it all together. But over time, you’ve both become more self-aware and emotionally mature. You have a better understanding of your own hot spots and triggers, as well as your partner’s. This has helped you take responsibility for mistakes instead of getting defensive, enabling you both to be better spouses.


4. You understand your strengths as a couple.

Whether it was with the help of an relationship assessment, counseling, and/or self-reflection, you’ve gained insight into the areas of your marriage where you’re strong. In turn, you’ve learned to lean into these areas during challenging situations as well as conflict, giving you confidence as a couple. Understanding your strengths has also helped you acknowledge the areas where there is room for improvement, and you’re learning you can also leverage your strengths as you work on those areas.


5. You now know marriage is a constant work in progress.

At one point you may have thought there was a certain point in your marriage when you’d finally have it all figured out. Things would be easier then, and you’d coast along blissfully and conflict free. Now you understand that marriage is dynamic. You’re both growing and changing as individuals, and that means your marriage is, too. There will be times you feel close and connected, and times in which you struggle to get on the same page, and that is normal. It’s a rewarding journey that requires ongoing commitment and effort from both of you.


Sometimes growth is visible. Other times, you can only feel it, (and it can be uncomfortable). In marriage, particularly, it’s hard to know if you’re evolving in positive ways or not. Hopefully by recognizing these signs in your relationship, you’ll get a boost of encouragement and assurance that you’re growing in the right direction together.