5 Signs You Could Benefit from a Relationship Check-In

It’s time to check in! Nope, this isn’t a notification about an upcoming flight. But you could consider it a reminder to have your daily relationship check-in – or take it as a sign to start one.

If you’re unfamiliar with the concept of a relationship check-in, it’s a designated time for you and your partner to touch base on the status of your relationship. You might talk about what’s working or not working, how satisfied you both are in various areas of your relationship, express gratitude and appreciation, air grievances, or even just talk about your day. The beauty of a check-in is that there are many ways you can do it, as long as it works for you as a couple and benefits your relationship.
Are you and your spouse in need of a check-in? Here are five signs you could benefit from one:

1. You’re in a hectic season of life.

Maybe you’re both busy with thriving careers or you’re constantly running in opposite directions taking the kids to various activities. When your schedule is maxed out, fitting in quality couple time can feel like a luxury you don’t have. A daily check-in could be your ticket to staying connected in an efficient, yet consistent way. It could be ten minutes over your coffee in the morning before you officially start the day or a few intentional minutes tacked onto dinner clean-up in the evening. Use your time wisely. Try not to focus on daily logistical stuff. Instead, make it about each other and your relationship. That might come in the form of a good long hug, sharing the highs and lows of your day, or talking about something weighing on your mind lately – whatever helps you feel connected.

2. Communication has been on the fritz.

Does it feel like you’re speaking different languages lately? You just can’t seem to get on the same page. You’re having frequent misunderstandings and both feeling unheard. A daily or weekly check-in can give you the opportunity to get things back on track. Use it to get back to basics by practicing assertiveness and active listening. You might each share two things you appreciated about each other that day/week and one thing you need from each other, or something along those lines. The key is that you’re both engaged and invested in the process.

3. You’re feeling disconnected from each other lately.

Sometimes you just don’t feel very connected, and it might be that you just need a little help prioritizing quality time. Realistically, you might not be able to swing a date night every week. A weekly check-in, however, can seem much more doable. And when you can, turn that check-in into a date! Use the time to be intentional and present with each other, and if you’re looking for something to help you have meaningful conversations about your relationship, check out our Discussion Guide for Couples. It’s a perfect fit for both date nights and relationship check-ins.

4. It feels like you’re always snippy and annoyed with each other.

Does it seem like you’re constantly irritated with your spouse (and vice versa)? You’re nitpicking at each other, and even the most innocent of exchanges has the potential to end in an argument. Chances are one or both of you have an unresolved issue or resentment bubbling beneath the surface. A weekly relationship check-in gives you a safe space to bring those issues to each other so that you can deal with them right away, instead of letting them fester unspoken. You might want to set up some agreed upon ground rules, such as letting the other person speak uninterrupted or always ending with something positive about each other. And of course, remember to treat each other with respect and empathy even when you’re expressing dissatisfaction.

5. You’re going through a transition or life change.

Navigating change as an individual can be hard enough as it is. Going through it alongside a partner or family can make things even more complicated and stressful. Scheduling a relationship check-in when things are in flux is a great way to help you grow together instead of growing apart. You might share about how you’re handling things, what’s going well, what needs adjustment, and how you can support each other better. It can give you a sense of security and normalcy when everything else seems to be shifting around you.

Check-ins are a great way to touch base and assess the state of your relationship. While consistency is important, they don’t need to be formal or high effort. You can carry them out in whatever way best suits your needs, and those needs will likely change! The main point is to leverage them as a tool to help you address issues, bolster communication, and stay connected through all seasons of your life together.

Want to take your check-in to the next level? Try Couple Checkup, our comprehensive assessment that gives you a snapshot of your relationship strength and growth areas covering 20 different topics. It pairs perfectly with the Discussion Guide for Couples and makes a great anniversary tradition. Get started >>