We could say a lot about the importance of good communication in relationships. And actually, on this blog, we have! You’ll find a lot about the basics of assertiveness and active listening and the importance of communication overall. You’ll also find insights on some of the things that prevent us from communicating well and can even cause conflict as a result. If it seems like a lot to remember while also trying to apply in real life, you’re right. So we’ve distilled our tips down to the most essential – and effective – secrets to rockstar communication.
Practice the basics, and work on them continuously.
The basics can be associated with boring. And we’ll admit, assertiveness and active listening don’t sound very exciting, which is unfortunate because they’re so important! Resist the tendency to gloss over these skills or assume that you’re already doing them. Since they are the foundation of communication, you’ll want to consider them a constant work in progress. Need a refresher on what assertiveness and active listening sounds like? Check out this post.
Break down your barriers.
Have you ever felt like even the basics are impossible? That can be very discouraging, but it’s also very common. The thing is, basic doesn’t mean easy. Often, there are barriers that prevent you from letting down your defenses and being vulnerable enough to truly hear each other. If you feel like you keep falling into the same negative patterns that devolve discussions into arguments, then check out this post.
Decrease defensiveness.
One of the most common communication barriers that couples experience is defensiveness. It has a way of morphing one innocent comment into a full-blown fight, shutting down any chance of a productive conversation. The tough thing about defensiveness is that it’s not something you can simply “stop.” It takes intention, self-reflection, and self-awareness from both of you to decrease defensiveness in your interactions. Find out more about the two-way street of defensiveness here.
Be mindful of these habits.
Unfortunately, defensiveness is just one of things that can creep in and sabotage good communication. Even with the best of intentions, we can inadvertently undermine ourselves without even realizing it. Being mindful of the physical, mental, and emotional habits that contribute to misunderstandings and misinterpretations can help you and your partner communicate with more clarity and intention. Wondering what habits to watch out for? Check out this post.
Talk about your relationship often – and not just during conflict.
Do you only discuss your relationship when there’s conflict? That’s a major skill in itself, so give yourself props. But talking about your relationship when things are going well is actually a great opportunity for even more connection and growth. You can focus on your relationship strengths and how you might lean into them to become even stronger. If the thought of bringing up the topic makes you cringe, don’t worry. Check out this post on how to talk about your relationship without feeling awkward.
There is no shortage of communication tips for couples, and it can be overwhelming figuring out where to start. Hopefully these key takeaways give you just what you need to get out of a rut or take your communication to the next level.
