5 Marriage Boredom Busters

Boredom can seem like a pretty harmless emotion. By definition, it gives the impression that’s there’s not a lot going on, which in some cases it might even sound like a luxury – especially if you’re in a relatively chaotic season of life. Feeling bored from time to time throughout your daily life is pretty normal. You probably just find something to occupy yourself and before you know it things are back to being busy.

What about boredom in marriage? Is it a foregone conclusion? A normal stage to go through after you’ve been together for a long time? While periods that lack the same level of excitement and passion common during engagement and early marriage are definitely to be expected, feeling consistently bored in your relationship can be a slippery slope toward disconnection. When you’re no longer interested in each other or your marriage, you’re likely not putting in the effort or intention required to sustain a fulfilling relationship. Luckily, you can avoid this path with these five marriage boredom busters:

1. Having the tough conversation

Sometimes working through inevitable issues with your spouse requires conversations that aren’t fun or easy. You might both be legitimately dreading it, and it’s tempting to sweep the issue under the rug and hope it eventually goes away on its own. In doing this, however, you’ll often find that it only makes things worse. The problem either continues to grow or it becomes a wedge that drives you apart. It can be uncomfortable, but learning to face the problem head-on as a team helps you stay connected, cultivates personal and relationship growth, and ultimately strengthens your relationship. Having the hard conversations requires you to both remain engaged and invested in each other and your marriage – the opposite of bored!

2. Embracing change

As individuals you likely have different thresholds for change. One of you might thrive on new life phases, challenges, and experiences while the other might prefer a steady and predictable routine. While you probably have a mix of both in your daily lives, it’s normal for your marriage to settle into a comfortable rhythm. While a sense of stability is great, don’t let your marriage become stagnate. Be open to switching things up or taking opportunities that present themselves. Navigating a big change together can be scary. After all, you can’t always anticipate how your relationship will be affected. Talking about your feelings going into it, whether it’s excitement or trepidation, and keeping that communication flowing throughout the transition will help you stay connected as you learn more about each other and your ability to adapt to new situations together.

3. Trying new things

Along the same lines of embracing life changes is the more literal version of actually experiencing new things together. It could be trying adventurous new foods, traveling to a country you’ve never been, or diving into a new hobby or date night activity. You get to see new sides of each other while bonding over the shared experience. When you experience novelty together, it spurs the same feel-good endorphins you felt when you were first dating, which is the perfect antidote to boredom.

4. Surprising each other

There is comfort in knowing each other well and feeling known by your partner. You know each other’s likes and dislikes, and you probably have a pretty good idea what to expect from each other. This is a great foundation, but surprising each other is like the unexpected twist in a movie that makes the story interesting and keeps the audience captivated. It could be small surprises, like stopping by their work on your lunch break with their favorite ice cream, or bigger things like planning a weekend away for their birthday. You can also keep each other on your toes by allowing yourselves to step outside your own box from time to time. Pick a movie you’d normally never pick, or a send your spouse a funny video they wouldn’t expect from you. Surprising each other sparks curiosity and interest even when you think you know everything about the other person.

5. Continuing to put in the effort

One of the many positive aspects of marriage is knowing someone has your back even when you’re not at your best. You don’t have to put on a facade to try to impress them or pretend to be someone you’re not. On the other hand, you don’t want to completely let yourself go either – and that doesn’t just refer to your physical appearance. It means continuing to put in the effort that your spouse and marriage deserve: being considerate and using basic manners, taking care of yourself mentally and physically, asking each other on dates, and getting dressed up for each other. It means doing a lot of the other things on this list, too. Your spouse and your marriage deserve it.

Small pockets of boredom are pretty normal now and then. In marriage, however, being consistently bored can sneakily erode away the glue that holds your relationship together and keeps it strong. By incorporating these tips into your marriage, you’ll be better able to nurture an interest and curiosity in each other that contributes to a dynamic and lifelong marriage.