4 Virtues of Great Marriage Mentors

Have you heard of marriage mentors? They’re often part of premarital programs in churches or other couple-focused organizations. You may have worked with a marriage mentor couple yourself and experienced the benefits firsthand.

Marriage mentors are pretty much what they sound like: mentors for your marriage. Also called “mentor couples,” marriage mentors are couples who’ve been married long enough to have experience and perspective when it comes to the ups and downs of marriage. They provide support, encouragement, and guidance to engaged or newlywed couples. If you serve as a marriage mentor couple already, thank you for giving your time and experience to this important work!

There are some misconceptions about marriage mentors. It might seem like they need to have a perfect marriage and be experts on relationships, but that’s simply not the case. It turns out, the best mentors often have these surprising traits:

They keep things real.

Great mentor couples aren’t there to sugarcoat things and make you think marriage is all rainbows and unicorns. Nor are they going to create an impression that marriage is effortless for them. The best mentors are willing to share their own stories, successes, and struggles. They’re relatable, authentic, and honest about the work that goes into a good marriage, as well as the rewards.

Their relationship is not perfect.

You might think that mentor couples are at a stage where they’ve worked through all their conflicts and all of their issues are behind them. This is hardly the case. Yes, they are likely skilled in communication and conflict resolution, but by no means is their marriage perfect. And that’s perhaps what makes them so qualified to guide other couples who are just starting out – they understand that conflict is inevitable and that foundational relationship skills are a game-changer in navigating it over the course of a marriage.

They don’t have it all figured out.

Marriage mentors might seem like they’ve got all the answers, but the truth is they’re still learning and growing individually and as a couple, too. Sure, they might have insights and perspective from firsthand life experience, but they will be the first to admit that they’re still figuring things out and can only speak from their own experiences.

They learn from the couples they mentor.

It’s logical to think of the mentor couple as the teachers, and it many ways they can be. They offer sage advice and can help premarital and newlywed couples understand the importance of strengthening their relationship skills. But often, marriage mentors learn just as much from the couples they work with. They’re able to reflect on and discuss things they might not have otherwise. The learning goes both ways, and mentor couples are open and receptive to growing in their own marriage.

Marriage mentors aren’t couples on a pedestal or trying to model the “ideal” marriage. They’re normal couples with strong marriages who are still growing and learning in their own right. If you’ve had the benefit of working with marriage mentors, you can hopefully attest to these traits. You might even find yourself thinking, “Hey, maybe we could be marriage mentors…” Perhaps you’re inspired by the idea of helping other couples and paying forward your positive experience. If this sounds like you, we encourage you to connect with the marriage ministry at your church. They may already be using Prepare/Enrich and have a process in place to get you certified as a Facilitator so you can begin working with couples yourself.

Learn more about becoming a Prepare/Enrich Facilitator or sign up here to be invited to our next preview webinar.