4 Things That Happen When You Truly Listen

Shhh. Listen. No, really listen. Do you hear it? That’s the sound of some amazing things happening in your relationship.

As you probably know, being a good listener and continuing to work on that skill throughout your marriage is one of the basic tenets of great communication. But its positive effects have a way of rippling out into other areas of your relationship as well. Here are some of the things that happen when you truly listen to each other.

1. You empathize with each other better.

When you truly listen to each other, you’re not just hearing words and formulating your reply. You’re listening to the feelings and emotions behind the words and asking questions to gain a better understanding of where your partner is coming from. These are the building blocks of empathy. And when you’re able to empathize with each other, it has a transformative effect on the way you manage conflicts. You tend to treat each other with more kindness and understanding, even when you’re ticked off, frustrated, or not seeing eye to eye. With more empathy, you remember that like you, your spouse is a person who’s doing the best they can.

2. You’re better at meeting each other’s needs.

In an ideal world, you’d always know exactly what your partner needs from you and be willing and able to meet those needs accordingly. In reality, it doesn’t always work that way. There is imperfection on both sides of the equation. Sometimes, you don’t communicate your needs well, for whatever reason. Sometimes you misinterpret what your spouse is telling you or you don’t hear it at all. Good listening aids with both of those things. It helps you read between the lines when your partner might not be articulating perfectly. It allows you to better understand what they’re feeling so that you might even anticipate what they need. And when needs are being met, you both feel more satisfied in your relationship.

3. You have fewer silly fights.

When you listen to understand, you make fewer assumptions about what your partner meant or what their intentions were. Instead of jumping to conclusions, getting angry, and responding in a way that provokes them to do the same, you seek to see the full picture. Don’t get us wrong, conflict is still going to pop up. But by listening with a sense of curiosity instead of defensiveness, you’re more able to accurately interpret each other’s words and actions. This can prevent an innocent conversation from veering off course into an argument based on misunderstandings and misinterpretations.

4. You kick off a positive cycle that fosters connection.

When you truly listen to each other, judgment, criticism, and defensiveness tends to decrease. You feel heard, understood, and supported by each other, and that’s a great feeling, right? It makes sense then that you’ll be more likely to continue sharing feelings, both positive and negative with each other regularly. The ability to maintain a strong connection like this, especially through challenging times, pays dividends. You’ll gain confidence as a couple and cultivate a trust in each other that boosts your relationship resilience.

Being a good listener lends itself to good communication and being a good spouse overall, but it doesn’t end there. It can help you fight less often and more productively. It contributes to feeling more satisfied and connected. It bolsters empathy. You heard that right. Truly listening to each other is actually just the tip of the iceberg in terms of the positive effect it can have all throughout your relationship.