When was the last time you made a wish list? Maybe you have to think all the way back to when you were a kid, dreaming about what you wanted for your birthday. Or perhaps you have a more recent memory of making a big purchase, like buying a house or finding the right car.
Wish lists are not only great for dreaming big, but also for helping you prioritize your wants and needs. And for that reason, they can actually be a big help in a variety of situations you’ll experience throughout your marriage as well. Curious to know more? Keep reading.
1. When you want to get a celebration just right
Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays like Mother’s or Father’s Day – we’re always striving to make them as special as possible for our spouse and loved ones, right? Sometimes you know just what they want, other times it can feel like more of a guessing game. Some people love surprises, while others like know what to expect. But no matter what, we’re hoping they come away from the day feeling loved, appreciated, and known – not disappointed or let down with how the day turned out. That’s where a wish list comes in! Let’s say it’s your partner’s birthday coming up. Have them make a wish list of three things they’d really like to be part of their day. It could be anything from sleeping in, to getting takeout from their favorite restaurant, to going on a family walk. This gives you a small, manageable checklist of things you know will be hits, while still leaving room for spontaneity or other plans. If you’re celebrating your anniversary or something that’s for both of you, the wish list ensures you both have an opportunity to have your desires fulfilled.
2. When you’re planning a vacation
Trying to plan a vacation for the two of you can be stressful. You have to coordinate travel and logistics, while trying to make sure you both get to enjoy your preferred setting or activities within a limited amount of time (and money). If you have very different ideas of “vacation” or if you have children, it can be even more difficult. Wish list(s) to the rescue! Have everyone involved make a wish list ranking their top five vacation criteria, and build your vacation around these items. Of course, it’s possible that not every single item will get checked off of every list, and that’s okay. The ranked lists allow you to prioritize everyone’s top items so that no one is left in the cold. And if it’s just you and your partner, the wish lists can help you get on the same page about your vacation early on, which can save you from future conflict when it’s too late (or even while you’re on your vacation.)
3. When you’re trying to reach a compromise
Sometimes you just know you’re not going to reach total agreement. A compromise is necessary. Making a wish list is a great way to pinpoint what matters most to each of you in an organized way. In some situations, coming to a compromise means getting creative and thinking outside the box in order come up with the best solution. By thinking through and jotting down specific priorities, you might be able to come up with a resolution that you wouldn’t have thought of otherwise. Hearing your spouse’s wish list can also give you a better understanding of each other’s perspective, helping you adopt a more openminded and empathetic mindset.
So there you have it. Wish lists aren’t just for for kids or house hunting. They can be useful tools in marriage when you want to make sure the preferences, priorities, and perspectives of you and your spouse are all being heard and considered. They can help you be more clear and assertive, resulting in fewer unmet expectations and ultimately more satisfaction in your relationship. And that’s something we can get behind.
Hello. This was such a thought-provoking blog. In the past, with celebrations and special occasions, I thought it would be practical based on my observation skills and watch care for my spouse and children to get them what I felt they needed or would appreciate. I must admit that I missed the mark fifty percent of the time. In the future, I now know a better way.
Blessings,
Robert
These are very helpful thoughts! I’ve worked with another idea along this line, which can be used for gifts or the things mentioned above. I guess it could be called the wish list file. Each spouse (and kids if you want to include them as well) has a file and when they find an item or idea for something that would please them, they drop it in the file. So, if I want to get something or do something special for my husband, I pull out his file and take a look. Once I choose something, it’s pulled from the file. This way, there are usually several things to choose from and it can still be a surprise and it’s ongoing so you can do loving things for a special occasion or just because….anytime. I found that it worked really well!